The Reason I Live is Christ

Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you. (1 Tim 4:16)

Friday, March 30
Finally starting to work..

Ever since my operation (that's slightly more than a month), I've been spending quite some time at home. Then Project Serve ended. and i stayed at home... i still worked though... Been busy... with Teen Games, O-pey-soom, planning for CG, meeting members for BCL, calling contacts, and after O-pey-soom ended i started to plan for Buddy Race.. I thank God that how He gave me enough time to get Buddy Race's planning mostly done before i found and started work today...

Something i've found out is that i can never find myself free with nothing to do one... It's just not me.. and it's not God's plan for me.. haha! but i agree with what someone from YFC mentioned before, even if u sit and do nothing the whole day, u will feel tired! i grew tired of staying at home and needed to find work to fill my days. and thank God He gave me work..

The job is really quite interesting. I'm not badly paid. I get to meet great friendly people. and the place very welfare one.. haha..shall elaborate another time... =)

-=P3ng=- | 8:20 pm

Thursday, March 29
Thanksgiving

Things turned out alright in the end... During the call, I realised the misunderstanding i had regarding the application..

I could say it was just me. As in, I didn't find out properly from NParks regarding the usage and the payment. I could say I've made the situation looked worse than it actually was. And by doing so, i could also say that perhaps God didn't really do any miracle at all. It was simply human fault.. Small matter?

I don't think so. Somehow whenever i see God work, it's so amazing. If you know God, you will know it was He who changed the situation around. But the situation will always turn out such a way that you can choose to discredit God and it sounds humanly logical. I'm not exactly sure how to put this into words. if u don't get it then nvm...

I want to give thanks to God. because i know the situation could have gone the other way, and i could have been trying to change the whole buddy race concept all together. But God continue to sustain our work through His grace, and i want to show my gratefulness by doing my best to plan it well.

-=P3ng=- | 8:18 am

Wednesday, March 28
Why so downcast, O my soul?

lately i'm wondering why my mood is so dependent on the situations around me..perhaps is me not taking care of my half-sick body that i have no mood to do things.. just last night i was quite affected by an email.. wondering what will be the outcome of Buddy Race..

This morn.. while just resting in studying God's word, and listening to songs of praise, my mac got this screensaver that randomly display all my old photos. As i look at the pictures of the past 3 years.. i cannot help but thank God.. and i remembered all the times God told me to trust Him and how everything worked out.

Right now, I'm given confidence, that God will make a way. Just that it might not be what i want.. but i know i can trust Him like before.

*Except the Lord builds the house,
they labour in vain that built it..

Why so downcast, O my soul?
Put your hope in God
Put your hope in God...

-=P3ng=- | 12:13 pm

Monday, March 26
Bethel Series FINAL EXAM!

The 'fill in the blanks' section.. can u see how i many i have to memorise?!?

6 essays?! i think i've wrote essays for bible stuides only for bethel series.. maybe we can do it for cg or even sunday school! wahhaha...

it was a whole year of bible study! every sat.. though i admit towards the end it was hard to find time to attend with CG commitments. and it ends with this FINAL EXAM of the NEW Testament! wahaha, i've not used my brain cells to such an extent since A levels! can u believe it.. 6 essays! wahaha,so maybe it's only 50 words per essay. it was fun planning the structure of the essay, remembering bible concepts, and writing.. my finger actually hurt from writing too much.. the last time was A levels!

the exam basically got me to memorise at least the key contents and where they are found of the whole new testament.. benefited? since when studying of God's word is not beneficial. but i'm hoping i will re look at the notes from time to time to refer.. i think i will.. especially when i need to teach so often.. haha! *i'm supposed to have finished reading the whole bible by the end of this bethel series... and the word 'supposed' explains i didn't... =s

IT'S OVER!!! My Sat afternoons are free again!!! whoo~

-=P3ng=- | 1:29 pm

The Gift of the Spirit

It all makes sense now!! everything that has happened, everything God enabled me to do, God is amazing!!! haha, i shall not publicly post here yet.. just something God revealed to me about my spiritual gift..

Note to self and whoever who understands, take heed:

11But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually just as He wills.

Gifts and talents given by God must be used and used for God, lest He takes it away. ( Parable of the talents)

2If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ( 1 Cor 13 - Love: the preeminent virtue)

The intention behind doing all things must be Love. Love for God, Love for people.

-=P3ng=- | 11:47 am

Thursday, March 22
Some updates

it's more than a week since my last post! i thought i should have more time to blog now that i'm officially jobless, yet i still find myself with tons of work to do. It's God's grace in a way that i am not left to rot at home. for the past few days i actually stayed up till 1am working! haha my work is typing stuff, preparing lesson, sorting out admin stuff for Buddy Race - in case u didn't know, I'm the Overall I/C! heh.. 1st time being ic for such a huge event.. really don't know how it will turn out...But i thank the Lord i have Him to trust

There was Teen Games, O-Pey-Soom, Recce to bedok reservoir, etc.. I shall post a bit on some interesting experiences from Teen Games.

It's really an amazing experience for me. Even though i don't get to play with them, i had the opportunity to go thru the whole journey with them. The experience of winning, losing, frustration, argument, rejoicing, winning...

I especially love this photo, how soccer unites people. The boys were totally absorbed as they stood there together during the penatly shootout which will decide the Champions. All the differences between them were placed aside as they unite with a common purpose - to win.

3 Cheers to the Winners from Geyland Methodist Sec... whoo!~
as the team manager, i didn't contribute to their win la.. just pray the friendship built will eventually lead them to Christ.. that's the GOAL for me =)

-=P3ng=- | 9:56 am

Tuesday, March 13
Dying to self | Today at Teen Games

"The redeemed are called to put off the old nature...
Ah, there is the pinch, and whoever ventures to put the shoe on will find it to be painful. For the self does not die easily. its demise will not be accomplished without struggle. Though self-will may agree to die momentarily, in favour of a will higher than its own, its tendency is to tire of its grave. Then it will be found scratching at its casket, pushing back the dirt from its burial ground and springing to life again. Like the animal with its nine lives, it refuses in this world, at least, to stay dead. And when it rears its head in the wrong places and at the wrong times so as to jeopardize the will and purpose which God has for life, then it must be put to death again. Moment by moment, hour by hour, dad by day, the momentous struggle must go on. And every child of the Heavenly Father who takes up the gauntlet can expect to suffer as Christ Himself suffered when He engaged in the same warfar. (1 Peter 4:1-2)"
-quoted from Bethel Series 1 Peter

I'm once again amazed at the way the author described the concept, in this case the struggle of denying oneself. But as nice as it is written, all who are truly a child of God can relate to what has been described above. The beauty of it lies not in the struggle, but through this 'sufferings' we can hold on to the promises of God.. to find out more, study 1 Peter! =)

***

Today was the Under 18 Boys catergory for Teen Games Soccer. I was asked to be Team Manager for a group of 6 who come from salvation army and 2 other are classmates. I had problems finding things to talk about, always finding them either kicking the ball around practising, or helping them find out when is their next match. It occurred to me that even though they were all Christians except 1, i should still go thru the gospel with them. I then realised and understood that God arranged me to be with them for a reason - not only to share with them the gospel, but also to help the Christians in their understanding too and desire for God too.. esp now God helped me to mature in my faith and my understanding and given me the experience of a CG leader, i was placed there for a reason. yet throughout the day, i found myself being afraid and unprepared. not sure how to bring the gospel in, not sure how they would respond. i kind of forgot that it is God's message not mine, thinking of too many unimportant issues where i tried to make talking about God natural. it wont be for non-believers! an important fact i need to rem. i need to trust. and do my homework in preparing.. i shall now prepare for tmr. pray for the Under 15 boys team i'm taking tmr!

-=P3ng=- | 8:38 pm

Monday, March 12
Appreciating Sound Teachings

I felt really affected by a call from my friend that i decide to jot down this experience as a reminder to myself how God had been gracious towards me.

it has been a while since i've thought and talked about how I came to Christ. My jc friend called me to ask me about baptism and we chatted quite a bit. at the end of the long conversation, i felt really affected because i've taken God's teaching for granted..

I see the extend of God's grace when i realised how many dangerous and different teachings have infiltrated the chruch. distortions and mis-interpretations, leading many astray. when i remember how i ended up in BLC, i can only stand silent in awe and gratefulness. I started my journey learning about God from a place where people were devoted and responsible in handling God's word. People who are willing to put in endless effort to plough through the word of God so that what was intended by God was taught. Whether it was S&P, BLC, or Singapore Youth For Christ, the Word of God was handled with care, and i too learnt to do that as i grew in this well-protected .

it then reminded me how i had been taking these teachings for granted.. trying to skip Romans' trail, skip Bethel Series for gatherings, steamboats, or outings.. it also got me to be careful that i as a teacher of God's word also ensure that i handle the word of God with care..

as i prayed for my friend, i gave thanks for what God gave me. i also prayed that others in s&p might also appreciate the teachings and pay attention and reflect on what God is telling us.

-=P3ng=- | 11:53 pm

The Lord's Prayer

Matthew 6:9-13
I cannot say "our" if I live only for myself

I cannot say "Father" if I do not endeavor each day to act like his child

I cannot say "who art in heaven" if I am laying up no treasure there

I cannot say "hallowed be thy name" if I am not striving for holiness

I cannot say "thy Kingdom come" if I am not doing all in my power to hasten that wonderful event

I cannot say "thy will be done" if I am disobedient to his Word

I cannot say "on earth as it is in heaven" if I'll not serve Him here and now

I cannot say "give us this day our daily bread" if I am dishonest or seeking things by deception

I cannot say "forgive us our debts" if I harbor a grudge against anyone

I cannot say "lead us not into temptation" if I deliberately place myself in its path

I cannot say "deliver us from evil" if I do not put on the whole armor of God

I cannot say "thine is the Kingdom" if I do not give the King the loyalty due him from a faithful subject

I cannot attribute to him "the power" if I fear what men may do

I cannot ascribe to the "the glory" if I'm seeking honor only for myself,

I cannot say "forever" if the horizon of my life is completely bounded by time

***
The first time i read thru this was during a sermon where pastor showed this to us during one of the sermons. it was very impactful. And today as i took time to read it again. I was affected by it. how many times i've prayed through and yet not really understanding the words I'm praying about.

The above questioned the condition of my heart. Reminding and forcing me to check if my heart is pure before God. I realised the whole prayer is simply against my very human nature. May everytime i pray the Lord's prayer, i really question my heart, and though i may be discouraged by how i have failed to be sincere, i can find strength knowing that it is something i can depend on God for help.

Sanctification... a journey to prepare us to enjoy heaven. (smth i learnt from Bethel Series)

***

This is my 1st post using my newly bought mac, thx to my bro and my dad for going down to the IT show, squeezing with the crowd to get it for me. My bro just bought a guitar too. in case u might think i sound rich, i am not. just that we had been wanting these stuff for quite some time.. then finally came the time!

there has many things been going on. i'm finally recovering, not longer feeling tired easily, able to walk about.... Teen Games has started.. Finding it almost impossible to share the gospel to my soccer team.. still praying and thinkin.. pls pray along with me.. there's O Pey Soom coming up... then there was SOS which they slept over in church instead and even dun wanna tell me! Lol..

The end of term 1.. A break.. and term 2 will begin shortly.. I've graduated from PROJECT SERVE 07! learnt really a lot. wonder if i ever have time to talk about my post- grad feelings and reflections here.. they made a video for us.. for the whole 10weeks.. so many memories.. oh well. life moves on.. that's the joyful part about living for God. =)

-=P3ng=- | 10:09 pm

Friday, March 9
Forced to Rest

The above is what i see from my room. It has been almost 2 weeks since my sudden operation due to appendictis. I have assumed that God had a reason for all these and it will work out somehow... But until someone ask me, what do you think the Lord is telling you from this experience? Honestly, i just blindly trusted but never really thought about it.

Looking back at the 2 weeks of recovery, whether it was binded to obligation or a desire to do something for God, i skipped my rest at home and tried to go CG, go church, go back to work.. That impatience landed me into much tiredness and difficulty and i wonder if it affected my recovery. it's God's way of putting me back at home to rest when i had unexplained stomach cramps, now wondering if it's due to surgery or just common stomachache. My pastor actually called me, besides telling me that baptism class for that day was cancelled, she emphasised and insisted i stayed at home to give myself more time to rest and not move about unneccessarily. Literally Forced to Rest.

While at home, i have this unfamiliar situation where time is somewhat abundant. It is amazing how everything out in the world continues to move while i can be apart from it. But even at home, my sinful nature is still felt. it was a big struggle to use the time given wisely when i can finally enjoy doing most of the things i never had time to do. but beyond all these, i had a lot of time to think and pray. Life slowed down for me, then i realised how i had moving so fast and forgetting to catch a breather. (not that moving fast is bad..i mean slacking around all day isn't showing faithfulness to what is given to me by the great Lord)

I like to look out the window.. While enjoying this short rest, i really look forward to the eternal one when i see God..but for now, i really look forward to be able to have a healthy recovered body again so that i'm not limited to do physical work for God =)

-=P3ng=- | 4:21 pm

Monday, March 5
yet God is still good...

i realised if i leave the previous post like that, i'll be potraying living for God as very miserable. i was discouraged because my heart was not right, and i've forgotten some truths about God...

The Lord showed me 1 very important thing - I am nothing without Him.
I can be generally very fit and healthy, but the Lord can take that away.
I could have learned a lot and became better at teaching God's word, but the Lord can take away understanding.
I could be very good at sharing the gospel and tackling hard questions, but the Lord can remove that chance from me.

Does it mean that if i pray, if i prepare well, I deserved to be rewarded? No... I can toil and work very hard, but "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labour but in vain."

if i remember the truth, then i should remember my unworthiness. that no matter what i did or who i've become, I'm still a sinner deserving to be condemned. so if anything that is good that i've received, it is a gift from God given even though i'm undeserving. That's Grace.

At the end of the day what matters is the heart. It's more than just blindly trusting that God has a reason for all these and "ok just trust God's will. nothing i can do." That's what Romans meant when he talked about working through the personal relationship with God. so if God brought me through that, He must have wanted me to learn something about Him and something about myself. And i did.

-=P3ng=- | 1:50 pm

Day of Discouragment & Disappointment

Saturday 3rd March 07
2255h

Today is a day I've experienced a mixture of negative feeligns and emotions as discouraging events followed one after another.

Perhaps it was the result of how I entered the day, not being clear if I'm leaving my house because of obligation or love for God and the people I'm going to meet. I neglected it and assumed my heart was right until when i found myself breathless simply walking from MRT to EH. I had the speed and stamina of a 70-year old and i had to bear the stress felt on my chest due to the breathlessness. In the midst of finding humility to accept the loss of my fitness and health, the thought of 'I should be resting' kept pestering me throughout the day. Hence i end up questioning myself "Why am i doing this?"

It is God's sovereign plan that through Romans' Trail, the application i drew out for myself was being mindful of doing things without understanding - in my case, doing thing without the right understanding/ intention/ or the right heart. Was it obligation?

That was only the beginning. We went Romans' place where i did a few activities and consolidated on the understanding of faith. I do not know if anyone understood what i taught but i felt i was unorganised, unclear, and i could have done better.

Then Romans brought up an idea I never thought of before. The idea of working through my personal relationship with God in various aspects of my character, looking deeper then just trust and obedience. He also mentioned about faith being not perodical but rather a consistent and growing one. I was sharp this time to catch myself thinking "I'm not like that" but to examine "Am i like that?" I realised how i seemed to be more concerned about faith only when I'm being tested during tough times. During 'peace' time, as long as I'm doing "what's expected of me" I should be fine. Am i like that? I need to spend time observing myself. Giving a yes or no too quickly is not going to help me.

I had some time to think as i walked from Romans house to the MRT. I was confronted yet with another discouraging issue. My Dad is trying to get 'his side' relatives to have a gathering. By not going, I'll be not supportive, resulting in disapponting him, and it's bad witnessing. I'll make it difficult for my dad because he tried very hard to get his brothers and sisters to gather and here his son didn't go. My bro was involved in MIMBY logistics. And why i can't go is cos i had 2 frenz coming for MIMBY. After actually persuading and finally getting them to come, i just couldn't not go. But here while walking to the mrt, the weariness and "i shld be at home" came again... Is it obligation?

Upon reaching church after much difficulty, another discouragment came. It rained. I was already discouraged to hear that Jean Shen lost his voice and God just had to send rain when everything was set up. It's my character that i can't just sit back and not help but God made it such that i was to sit and pray, only finding that praying isn't my 1st and usual response. The rain drowned my morale and i worried if my friends would turn up. By God's grace they came, even a contact from the neighbouring block came.

The rain caused the program to be delayed, the room wasn't set up yet. It somehow affected me, worried how will my friends think. Turns out the atmosphere was better in Music Room. Then came my last discouraging event for the day... (i'll exclude the fact that my comp was spoilt again. it's like after the whole day, i was like wadever...)

Being trained in SYFC, having shared to people on the streets, field work, Garage, I thought i was prepared. I even thought of what possible links i could use, and another way to approach e gospel. But because of my complacency, i did not check with SPI how they intended the sharing to be done. I was quite passive since both of my friends enjoyed playing Zeus the card game. By the time i found out that there isn't a direct and upfront sharing by the MC, it was too late. I attempted to use the booklet and tried to direct them. Upon reaching the end where it says "would you like to have someone who is willing to die for you", Ranald's voice came in and then the closing songs. I tried to find chance, after that i managed to bring the qn back and even started talking about a relationship with a Creator. Then Charis interrupted asking if anyone want to packet food home. After she left, both of them stood up and was ready to leave. (not blaming Charis in any way. That will be irresponsible and immature of me.)

But there was a truth i needed to accept. I did not share to my friends i tried so hard to invite. This is my 1st time. Years back even when I'm still unsure how to share, i still managed. How come I couldn't?

The Lord brought me through a lot and taught me. He showed His sovereignty, grace and love throughout the day and i did not forget them. Yet for the purpose and focus on this post, i've omitted them.

-=P3ng=- | 12:47 pm

Thursday, March 1
Take some time to read this =)

The Power of Presence in Prayer
Take time to settle your mind as you meet the Holy One.
by Trevor Lee

As a child I had the privilege of spending a month on the farm with my grandparents each summer. I learned to drive a tractor, feed chickens, and herd cattle, but the most important lesson I learned came before dinner each evening. As we assembled around the table, I dreaded the pre-meal prayer. My grandpa sat at the head of the table, and once everyone was seated he bowed his head and began to pray. When my grandpa prayed you knew you were going to be there for a while. He launched into what seemed like a one-hour prayer before every meal, and I would sit at the other end of the big kitchen table thinking, "I want mashed potatoes."

All that changed one day shortly before my grandpa's death. He began to pray as he had so many times before, but this time I wasn't thinking about the potatoes; I was focusing on his prayer. He prayed for his family as though our well being depended on his prayer. He prayed for the kingdom of God like it was the most important thing in the world. And as he prayed he began to weep. It wasn't the first time he had cried while he was praying, and in the past I always thought it was a little strange. I don't know if it was the maturity that comes with being 12 or the Holy Spirit making me pay attention, but this time it grabbed my attention and I was moved—I wanted to start crying too. I understood that he was weeping because he cared about his petitions with a depth I couldn't fully fathom. His prayer was passionate and meaningful. His mind and his heart were fully engaged as he cried out to his Father.

Prayer should be a moving experience. It is entering the presence of the Creator. The image bearers uniting with the One whose image they bear. The broken feeling—the touch of the Healer. Entering the presence of the God who defies our explanation and cannot be contained should never be a boring experience. Yet it often leaves us uninspired. Why?

The answer to that question starts with a study recently conducted by researchers from the University of Pittsburgh and the University of British Colombia. They joined forces to study reading comprehension—with incredible results. According to the researchers, "The readers who zoned out most tended to do the worst on tests of reading comprehension — a significant, if not surprising, result." Really?

As trite as the findings of this study are, they are profound for our prayer lives. We are left uninspired and wanting because we are not completely present with God when we pray. We thank God for the food we're about to consume, but our thoughts regress to the meeting we had that afternoon. We ask God to protect our kids while we ponder how to survive until the next paycheck. We sit down to listen to God and our mind wanders uncontrollably. We lack the ability or discipline to be truly present with God in prayer. Our culture has trained our minds to wander.

One way it has done that is by demanding that we multitask. Not multitasking is seen as wasting time. Our lives are so busy that to do one thing at a time just isn't efficient. I recently noticed a bumper sticker on the car in front of me that said, "Put the phone down and drive!" But we don't have time to put down our phones, the food we grabbed at the drive-thru, the makeup, or even the paper. We have to maximize every moment by multi-tasking as many things as possible. The problem with multitasking is that it trains the mind to jump from task to task. As we work on one thing, our mind runs to other things that need to be accomplished. So we quit our original task to give attention to the task that just popped into our head, and this process repeats itself.

This translates into a horrible habit of being in the presence of people without being fully present. I often meet people at a bagel shop close to our church. As you approach the front of the line to order, there is a plain white sign taped to the counter that says, "Please get off your cell phone before ordering." They're asking people to give them the courtesy of being fully present for 30 seconds while ordering. Being present with others is a basic human courtesy, even if our culture has overstimulated us into forgetting that.

When we don't give people our full attention, we can't truly engage them. We cannot see the pain or joy in their eyes, hear the tremble in their voice, or even remember what they said. Presence is essential in relationships, not just with other people, but with God. If we want to hear him, to be moved by the weight of our petitions, or to be awed by the privilege we have of approaching our Father, we have to be there—heart, mind, and soul.

There is no shortcut to being fully present in prayer; it is a discipline. As we begin to pray and our mind wanders, we must force ourselves to come back. One method I have found helpful is to choose a single phrase that can draw my mind back to God. Something like, "In everything your attitude should be like that of Christ Jesus," or "God is merciful." Then when my mind tries to distract me from being in the presence of God, I have something I can use to coax it back.
Training our mind to focus and stay present with God is a process; it takes time and perseverance. But it is time well spent. My grandpa approached all prayer as more than a formality. He often wept because he was completely present. Being fully present in prayer increases the depth and joy of our prayer lives and allows us to enter the presence of God with awe and excitement.

-=P3ng=- | 6:23 pm

The Recovering Phase

So how much of my life is affected? Almost totally!

1. I can't sleep properly. Even when i toss and turn, it hurts.

2. I can't walk properly. I move around in tortoise speed! If i cross the road i think i will kenna "lang ga" !

3. I can't go mission trip. Can't even go out!

4. I can't sneeze, cough, LAUGH! yes, i can only give very fake laugh. if i really laugh, i'll be like hahaHa... Oww! -_-

5. I get to complete things i left undone. Surf Net, Play Game, bible studies, yes bethel homework!

hope to see u all soon.. =)

-=P3ng=- | 4:42 pm