The Reason I Live is Christ

Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you. (1 Tim 4:16)

Wednesday, February 28
An Unexpected Operation

it's abt time i continued blogging.. sorry too lazy to blog for e past few days even though suppose to be quite free..

During e hospital visitation, Gwenda told me abt how she once had so many things to do but the Lord arranged it such that she had chicken pox and she couldn't do anything. Little have I also expected that I would have to go for an appendix operation. I mean it was like another week, final preparations for the mission trip,i/c for CNY visitation, Sun Sch tutorial...

I shall roughly give a rough account of what happened... quite an experience actually =)
I started feeling pain on thurs (22nd Feb) in the afternoon after the BBQ with the Chai Chee students. I thought it was smth wrong i ate. I felt uncomfortable during that evening as i went to church for Baptism class. But it was rather minor so i thought it was some gastric. Friday morn i still felt that pain. But it was totally alright when i played basketball with SAM ppl. (it's part of our morn exercise =p ) This particular session was longer and i actually pushed myself quite a bit. (nope it was definitely not due to this i got appendictis) then i stayed for Romans trail. I was intending to go Dazzlyn's house for the steamboat gathering but had a headache and the stomach pain grew worse. I went straight home only to find i didn't bring my keys. My parents were out and my bro still at Dazz's house. It was the Lord's way to get me to spend time with Him. I put down my bag, bearing that pain to the playground downstairs. The pain went away as i enjoyed the peace...

Sat morn the pain didn't go away so i went to the polyclinic (thank God it's only downstairs!). After queuing for a hour plus, the doctor told me she suspected it to be appendicitis. This wasn't exactly the first time that someone suspected it (a few years ago i travelled to KK hospital to check but found it to be not and totally wasted time and money!) and i was very doubtful as i had similar stomach cramps in Thailand Mission Trip last year. But the doctor insisted that i go Changi Hospital for check-up. So my dad drove me there. By then was about 10am. I went straight to A&E... and waited... The doctor checked, said he suspected it too, and asked me to be warded... There was blood and urine test... But i never knew the results. So that's how at 12 plus i find myself at the hospital ward, when 1pm i was suppose to be at church for CNY visitation. There i stayed.. Then another doctor came and checked.. and he like very pro and dao one.. he like confirm! haha.. wadever.. And the doctor told me no food and drink until the operation.. I thought ok lor, anything..I can remember my last meal timing after being asked so many times. 9am! They connected me to this drip and expect me to survive on it..horrible.. horrible.. horrible..! i felt hungry, thirsty, yet can't do anything! Sleep lor...

Then ard 8pm the nurses came and i changed into the operation attire.. This is the most cool part.. (even though i'm like finally pls, i want to eat and drink soon) I was pushed around and everywhere seemed very quiet.. well it's sat night after all. Then i entered the operation area. and i transferred to another bed. asked a few questions and off i went to the operating theatre.. wah there really got the Sci-Fi feeling.. especially my view is limited to the ceiling and the big operating lights.. then really feels weird to see all the heads while lying down.. A few procedures as the doc told me what will happen.. i tell u i dun remember falling asleep. then the next thing i know was waking up feeling very nightmarish!

It was the worst feeling i had in life. The pain from my abdomen could be felt, there's how i realise the op was over. I couldn't move about because of this pain.. so it took quite a while before i realise where i am - the place before i was pushed into operation. It was nightmarish cos i felt like fainting. the feeling of being very very weak like not eating breakfast and going for an intense run. I was groaning.. audibly! throughout the stay at the hospital i tried my best to make the job of the doctors and nurses easy, after all i know it is not easy. but at that point, it was just too horrible. i asked the nurse to water my lips, hoping that it will make be feel better, but ya.. it didn;t.. at that point i'm very sure i didn't pray. wasn't thinking clearly at all.

then after being approved, i was sent back to my ward. it was just before midnight. There i called my parents and told them. after the operation i could talk, it was pain, but the weak feeling was the main thing affecting me. then i replied a few sms, and slept.

throughout the night i wanted to get better, so i drank water whenever thirsty (thank God i dun need to be on drip after that!!) but then halfway through the night, i felt very nausea. Remember how i tell everyone it hurts when i laugh cos i have to use my abdominal muscles, it hurted HORRIBLY when i vomitted all the water i drank. wah after that i gave up on water and just sleep..

after that nothing much.. i'm against the stuff they gave me to eat! Breakfast - a cup of milo. Lunch - A bowl of Soup. Dinner - Porridge. Wah, where to get the energy i need?!? anyway, ya thanks to S&P for visiting me =) makes the stay on sunday more fun..

Lookin back, i can only thank God how He ensured a smooth operation and a speedy recovery, lessen the pain ( i just know that it could have been a lot more worse). Without God's help, i wouldn't have been discharged so soon.

This is just only the beginning.. Next i shall post about how my life has been affected!

-=P3ng=- | 7:12 pm

Monday, February 19
398th Post - Taking Time To Look Back

Information on blog greataps.blogspot.com:

total posts: 398

Date of 1st post: 4th July 2004

Average visits per week :70+ ( it's seems to be more recently)

Initial Name of Blog: Journey to Perfection

Purpose of Blog:
"Initially, I turned down the idea of having a Blog immediately especially with the limitations of what I can type and I've already got my own written diary. I guess the change of mind comes from the desire to have something to reflect my thoughts to others, hopefully be a living testimony for God, for others to comment, to help and if possible to learn from how I live my life. The name "Journey to Perfection" is a rough idea of what this blog is - my daily life,thoughts and struggles of following Christ, pursuing for the ultimate goal that God has for us at the end of this journey. This Blog will be more of a reflective page rather than something that records only events. " (quoted from 1st post dated 4th july)

Just something i gathered and felt like doing. It's been a while, and after almost 2 1/2 years, my blog has quite an interesting archive to look at. I thank the Lord that by blogging, I've learnt to be more clear of my thoughts, honest with my reflections, able to evaluate and listen to God as I write. It's amazing how God always gives me solutions while i'm posting my problems, questions or doubts. I also thank God that throughout these 2 years, i got people tell me they've been encouraged by what i write. I do hope my blog points whoever's reading to God as i share with you my struggles living for God.

For those who have been encouraged, i urge you to also reflect critically and share ur walk with the Lord with others that they too may be encouraged. That can come in others forms besides blogging like letters, emails, or even sharing during cell groups with your friends and leaders.

For those who do not believe in God - I hope the 398 posts over the 2 and a half years gives enough evidence to show how God's been real in my life, how i've depended on Him, how He never failed me. I can't think of something as concrete as it. Who in the right mind will hold on an illusion for so long, be able to trust in something that might not be there, esp through the 2 difficult years in NS. I think the question for u should be: now you do know there is such a God, are you going to spend the rest of your life as a outsider looking at how joyful and fruitful a Christian living with God is and never want it for yourself?

It's been an interesting journey.. these 2 1/2 years. I found many interesting posts that i wrote 2 years ago.. some i really felt like deleting as they dun represent me now (*of cos i shall not as this is why they are priceless), some i'm really amazed at how i can write so chim and deep.

*i shall not purposely wait till my 400th post before i post this.. because like that really no point! haha..

-=P3ng=- | 10:34 pm

Sunday, February 18
Mixed Feelings...

God created us to experience a whole range of emotions and feelings.. These few days I've experienced and struggled with a few different feelings.. Even now, though CNY has just begun, i'm feeling quite affected... after reading my friend's blog...

(The last few days had been rather busy, and i chose to spend my time playing Kingdom Hearts 2 which i borrowed from a friend. So i did not take time to blog and reflect..)

As i was reading my friend's blog, many thoughts were running through my head. I felt his experience. I felt his remorse, confusion, lost, lack of joy, hope, postivity towards life. A friend i grew up with, and experienced primary, secondary, jc, even the 1st few months of NS. Our characters were quite different but yet we had very similar experiences until we parted after BMT. Now he seemed so far, he likes a stranger to me. In the description of his life, i was greatly affected. Not just because I can feel the lack of meaning that he seeks in his life, but the question why God had chose me and not him...?

Not that i really question this, but that it's really worth examining. I mean i would be more or less like him. As lost and as confused, given my hunger for purpose in my sec sch days. My heart was as hard too and it was God who changed that. When i thought of that, i really felt what it means to be grateful. It's really not because of what i've done that God chose me. It causes me to be really grateful because God did not let me remain lost and confused for very long but God shed some light when i was wandering.

God chose me at that point in time so that i can be used to tell others about Him. I see God's purpose in this perfect timing. I was allowed to see His glory as He used me to encourage, lead, teach, and comfort His people, even leading others to Him. This i can only respond in thankfulness. yet, it doesn't end here. Because i see the desperate-ness, I cannot do nothing! Lord, have mercy, may you soften my friend's heart that he might one day see You as I've did.

-=P3ng=- | 12:21 am

Sunday, February 11
Spy 001 Outing - Bowling / Shoppin / Cookin / Movie!

haha, let the photos do the talking! =)

-=P3ng=- | 10:24 pm

Driving Test/ Chai Chee High Ropes/ Garage

Yup, this shall be another combined post. shows that i'm really busy! haha..

I had my driving test last thursday. 8th Feb. I really could feel the stress building up as the date drew nearer over the past month. As i turned to God, instead of praying that I'll pass, God wanted me to pray that if I'm a safe driver then let me pass, but if i'm a dangerous one then it's best that i fail. God helped me to see beyond the possible inconvience of having to take the test again if i fail, the extra costs i'll have to waste, etc, and to simply trust in His divine plan. Until 1 hour before the test, i continued to pray and i saw beyond the test that's before me...

I always knew i should try to find ways to share to my driving instructor. but each time, i'm so worried being focused on my driving, i couldn't even carry out a proper conversation with him. (i'm very bad at multi-tasking) but i had this half hour break before my test, and i found myself eating at the canteen of the driving center with my instructor. After cracking my head, i found the 'spark' question," so your daughter attends Bedok Lutheran Church?" Then i found out he went through Alpha course. But i'm more convinced how a heart is hardened because of pride, knowledge of the world, forming a fixed mindset that is almost impossible to introduce a new concept. He said he's a very science guy. I patiently listened. To him perhaps i seemed to be listening as if it's the 1st time i hear about such an argument of science proving against God. within me many things were happening. I was praying. My ears were listening. The answers and rebutts to his questions and opinions darted across my mind but i knew i had to reply in wisdom and not pour out everything i knew. i also needed to contain my excitment and not to be too carried away. Half an hour ended very fast, i merely added my 5 cents worth, giving simple examples of intelligent design and my understanding of creation and life... then i went into the waiting room...

again, while i had to deal with my nerves, the waiting room was too quiet for comfort. so i intro-ed myself to the guy beside me. He's in NS. '87 batch. 1 year younger than me. we talked. about army, the test, etc. this time it was different. i didn't hesitate nor think twice. when it seemed natural, i shared my confidence in God. i mean if God is indeed the main part of my life, i'll take great effort not to include Him in my conversation at all! though i didn't share nor took down his contact, i felt that i've grown in my confidence to talk to people and talk openly about my faith.
The test? Well by now almost everyone knew i passed. To tell you the truth. the test really felt like a dream. it happened very fast. one obstacle after another i executed without major mistakes, and within mintues i found myself driving on the road. and then i was back. and i passed!~ The rest of the day is telling others how God helped me pass.

***

Chai Chee Sch Prog

I shall not talk too much. The photos speak for themselves. enjoy! This is work for me =) cool eh?

***

Garage 9th Feb (fri)

i always loved to attend things like this. it's like seeing ur friends perform. and realising that their performance are simply wonderful. being able to be part of the preparation even though i can't perform. and of all things, able to share the gospel.

i thank the Lord that i was assigned to a table and able to share and even discuss about the gospel with a Christian and his non-christian friend... after my experience in sharing to people of my age, i'm convinced that the world has it's way cause our hearts to harden. indeed our salvation, how we see the light of God is not by reasoning, but by faith.

-=P3ng=- | 9:11 pm

Monday, February 5
Soccer Outreach/ Rockclimbing/ Meeting Friends

Another combined post that is delayed haha.. The Lord is doing great things in my life. It is only right for me to tell you all about it!

2 Feb (Fri) - Soccer Outreach

We went to neighbourhood street soccer courts with a soccer ball.. in order to find sec sch ppl to play with. This is how SAM project servants do contact work. Cool eh? On friday we (me, Hong Rui, Lionel) met a group of p6 Geyland Meth Pri Sch students playing at the void deck. Was hoping to find sec 2 or 3 students but convinced that the Lord placed them in our path. We played with them. Quite weird for a 19, 21, 40 year old guys playing with 12 year old boys. Thank God we managed to build some rapport. The Lord was convincing me that p6 boys are a lot more willing to listen to the gospel than JC1 ppl. My mind was convinced I need not find a reason to share. After some struggle and being sure that i just need to take that step of faith, I took out the bridge to life. Talked to one of them whom i've build some rapport with and began by telling him, "hey i've something to share with you..." After the whole gospel is being shared, I realised i could have done something better. I should not have ignored when there's no clear response to the gospel, be it accept of reject. I guess it's part of my nature to 'try not to offend and hence don't be so hostile in forcing him to make a decision'. I can give the excuse but i know i'm not very responsible in doing so. I praise God nevertheless, that towards the end of the gospel sharing, the other 3 guys also crowd around me, did not say anything offensive but kept relatively quiet. Only until the end, they were like 'ok can we go play now?' Praise God i manage to get his bro's contact. His bro is sec 2 and according to him, he loves soccer which i can invite for Teen Games! YAY!

I think by God's grace, I'm more sensitive and able to identify the still small voice of the Lord that speaks to me in situations. By checking it with what i know from the bible about God and His character, i had been able to discern. But my prayer and concern would be how i would respond to it. I pray i will obey through trusting Him!

3 Feb - Rock Climbing

I was scolded by p5 students for being childish! That's it. Next time i'll just stick to being professional when doing the equipment brief! =p

the p5 we had on saturday was very naughty and restless boys. Their short attention span was rather expected from the 1st impression when they arrive. However, i was very affected by their lack of resilience. Initially, i thought most youths when being challenged to go beyond their limits will do so. I was grealy discouraged by the boys when they can talk about how they want to try, but when they only climbed less than 3 metres (just above human height) they cried and begged me to let them down. I asked myself, is this really the kind of youths today? So easily giving up! Perhaps it's how i grew up in St John's and OAC, that i despised people who give up easily, considering them weak. But i know now acknowledging that I am a sinner, understanding God's view on people, I know i was wrong to think like that and i must change my perception. I should be trying my best to help instead of judging!

CG rockclimbing - Nothing much to say. cos the blog picture says quite a lot =) it was fun! though i was very affected and drained by the p5 boys that when it was my cg time to climb, i was rather out of energy! Sorry ppl if it wasn't as fun as it should..

Talking to Old Friends
The Lord has been really kind for me to meet so many of my old friends in interesting ways too. I met my OAC friends for dinner at Vivocity, Thai Express. It was a super belated bday celebration for a friend's bday which was last nov! haha we are just late and busy ppl. Catching up with them is really great. I've invited them for garage. Hope they will come

11/03
Timothy - Through the Lord prompting, I made contact with Tim (haven't talked since ages!) and proposed a evangelistic class outing. hoping to rally the Christians in our class and that we can all share together. So far the proposed date is 24th Mar. Hoping for good response from the rest.

Denis - He shared with me his struggles being a leader in his Cell Group ministry of 20+ young adults. How being the only one and no one else wants to set aside time to serve. I can never understand nor picture how i would cope in such a situation. He really encouraged me though i pray that i could give some helpful advice. To all reading this, please pray for Denis. That the Lord will raise more leaders to help him in this ministry. Pray that the Lord will grant him strenght, the much required wisdom, and the perseverance through this difficult time. Pray the God will give him joy as he serve Him.

Charlene - It's encouraging when after so long, a person thru msn says hey i just read ur blog. it is still as encouraging as before (she refered to 2 years ago when i just became a Christian). I replied,"well, the God i know doesn't change." (and honestly i'm quite impressed by my own answer!) Indeed, i'm sure this blog won't change in another 2 years time. Because it speaks of the Lord i know that has and is impacting my life so much. pray that my posts will continue to be a blessing and encouragment to many!
Charlene shared with me that she is serving as a leader for sec 1 girls, and also playing keyboard for service. can't rem what's e last thing. oops!
It's amazing to hear from old friends, even though we are apart, all still serving the same God, with the same passion. God is really sovereign! Pray for her too. Wisdom and a never-ending desire to seek and love God always.

Another friend (I'm sorry, i very paiseh if i can't spell ur name correctly!) When i met her at EH, i was like Hey! what are u doing here! I don't really know her personally as a friend. Just know that she is from AHS Girl Guides, then TJC rock climbing. She actually joined project serve 2 years ago. We met during the Romans trail on fri night. Haha, really so amazing and so encouraging to meet old friends this way! didn't have much time to catch up with her. but ya, wherever she is now, pray that the Lord will continue to be her guide.

ok. end of another long post. I shall try to blog more often!

-=P3ng=- | 9:34 pm