The Reason I Live is Christ

Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you. (1 Tim 4:16)

Tuesday, January 30
I've Found My Answer

*Taken from Jean Shen's Reflection Letter*

“Ministry takes place when divine resources meet human needs through loving channels to the glory of God.”

This was a very timely reminder from God to me. There are a few things that I struggle with in ministry. Firstly, I’m always trying to measure up to what other people are doing, or what they expect of me. It becomes very tiring when I am constantly stressed by wanting to meet expectations and wanting to do excellent work. The result is fear and even sin, for example jealousy or bitterness. God reminded me that I am doing His work, and He provides the instructions, the abilities and skills, the passion and enthusiasm, as well as results and success. We are meant to be distributors, not manufacturers. Time and time again I look to something other than Jesus Christ, and start to fall into the water, but Jesus grabs me and lifts me back on the water.

The other thing that struck me was doing things for God’s glory. It is very encouraging to get fruit from your labor. However, I find myself sometimes desiring fruit so as to make myself feel accomplished. The converse then becomes true: I will get discouraged when I see no fruit. I’m glad that God is reminding me to seek His glory and be zealous for His name, so that when I see no fruit, I wait patiently for God to move, and when there is fruit, to God be the Glory! When I realized that even if there is fruit, I get no credit, the truth then sets me free to work more for God and not to be worried. It sets me free to serve Him simply because it would bring Him delight.

***

To reflect that into actions. I need to be reminded of who God is. Stop dwelling on my problems, stop looking beyond unnecessary stuff and focus on God.

God begins the work, God brings through the work, God should receive all credit.
I'm merely a distributor that needs to be faithful and obedient!

-=P3ng=- | 10:51 pm

Basketball & Soccer. Success, Failure, Stressed

Yesterday we were suppose to have games as leisure during the evening so we went to the CC near EH to play basketball. We initially played with ourselves. Then a group of guys came and invited us to join them. I was reluctant because I felt that I'm so gonna get trashed. Eric and Lionel (our supervisors) accepted to play so we played 4 on 4 with them. By God's grace it wasn't that bad because Eric and Hong Rui could play quite well. I kept ministry in mind and just tried my best instead of doing it grudgingly. After 1 match, we were no longer strangers to them and we could simply go up to them and talk, getting contacts and inviting them for events. Then came another group and this time they were super pro. Some of them were rather hostile because they knew we came from a Christian organisation but basketball won one guy over as he was friendly towards us and talked to us. It was an amazing experience. And indeed it takes quite a lot from me to deny myself. To remember the heart of the ministry so that i give up my preferences, even if it means i felt like playing floorball instead of basketball at that time. *must remember to pray. both for ourselves and them.

Today was soccer coaching at Geylang Methodist Sec for me after a request to not go to SAJC where i can't really do much. This time i get to help out and participate in their training and got to be-friend with a few of the sec 1 and 2 guys. There was quite a few instances of bad sport displayed by the boys. One was when Eric (coach) was punishing a guy and getting him to run from fence to fence. He ran reluctantly and when Eric turned away he pointed both his middle fingers at him. i''m not sure if it was just his way of not losing face so he do that, or he was really not happy with the coach's discipline. (The punishment was rightfully given.) At that point in time, i almost wanted to shout and scold, "Why you not happy is it?" maybe there's some 'army blood' still in me, but i really wanted to teach that boy what is respect. I held back, couldn't decide at the point in time if it was wise or not as it might cost my rapport with them.

For the 1st time in my life, i wore soccer boots. so u can tell how rarely i play! But i found myself in a reversed postition. Last time i looked at soccer cca ppl from a uniform group eyes, finding them only play play, not disciplined and all the bad influence ppl. Now i'm wearing soccer boots, passing by ppl from girl guides, concert band etc (other ccas in Geylang Meth) and it was a weird feeling for me. I've just learnt that sports also cause ppl to be disciplined, yet i hardly see any among the guys. Their competition is next week yet they are not serious with their training. Can it be because they are just young and not mature?

If success and failure in ministry is measure by our faithfulness towards the Lord then yesterday was a success and today was a failure for me. because i had an opportunity to join the guys at a cafe to talk and build rapport, yet i gave in to laziness and excuses and chose not to. i've missed a great opportunity to get to know them better. and i just realised, the SOCCER COACHING WASN"T MY MAIN REASON I"M THERE! yet in my mindlessness, i placed myself 1st before ministry.

I felt stressed when i reach home. more than just what has happened, i felt horrible, wanting to give up, dun feel like doing anything at all. It's the burn out feeling but yet i can't rest because i still have things to do. the test is real. what i've learnt about faith the opposite of worry, about trusting God, about the joy of the Lord is my strength, about the heart behind doing the tasks, about serving God not serving the service, in the midst of all these, i still have my sins to struggle with. I prayed, yet i did not have faith my situation will change. I want to rest, yet i can't seem to rest properly.

In my brokeness O Lord, remember me. Remember Your promises You gave. I am weary and heavy-laden today. What is this rest that You have promised? Why is the yoke i'm carrying now so much heavier that the one You claimed to be easy and light? Remove from me the yoke of sin and slavery O Lord. Help me find rest in all that You are. You are my main source of strength, the reason why I chose to do all things to the best of my abilities. Help me O Lord, through this time of weariness. Help me find rest.

-=P3ng=- | 9:14 pm

Friday, January 26
Consolidation/ SAJC Soccer Coaching/ Movie

This is what happens when i dun journal often - everything gets dumped together.

Tue was consolidation for Monday staff meeting's lesson. here shall be my applications!
1) Guard against Pride
a) rem that I need to depend on God in everything I need to do
This week is extremely busy for me. Every night there's smth i need to do, be it planning for lessons, or typing out a doc, doing members planning. In the midst of doing all these, i had given up any possible 'relaxation' time. I didn't even have time to watch the prison break i recorded last week. It's been ok for last few days, but i'm starting to feel the strain. I need to constantly pray so that i do not serve the service but God, depending on Him to do all that He has given me.

b)don't like - try to do - God placed me there (it is pride cos when i'm choosing what i want to do, i'm telling God i know better than God and i can overwrite what He has already given me to do)
There were many new things i had to do, and i'm totally not comfortable doing it. First is the Soccer Coaching which is part of SAM's field work. As coaches, our supervisors go into schools to coach training and build relationship with the players and through it share the gospel to them. Of course they serve God as their primary role of coaching soccer. So for us, we are attached to join them, either to join in or to help out with the coaching. The uncomfortable part for me is i'm horrible with soccer and never wanted to improve seriously cos i hardly play! On tue, not only was is soccer coaching, it was SAJC girls. It was super awkward for me being present and watching my supervisor coach girls. I kept worrying about what others might think of me, like i'm there to look at girls etc. Many friends i know will love to be in my position haha. I found it to be a struggle but i was reminded that God placed me there. And even though it was my 1st soccer coaching exp, i've learnt how he coached, the dynamics and inter-personal relationship he builds with his players. it was short but interesting. and it's my 1st time going to SAJC. i find the sports complex so much nicer than TJC one. oh well!

My 2nd thing i felt uncomfortable doing was doing powerpoint slides. I gave many excuses. not pro, not creative, etc. But i still had to do it, cos i need it to teach. So i prayed that God will help me, and He did. I'm quite thankful for the sun sch ppt though. Though it was simple, i took my the whole night (3hours) to do it. Horribly long! now still got cg lesson on PE to do.

2) Faithfulness

- Be responsible in doing things entrusted to me.

I've been too divided in trying to do too many things lately. And i cannot neglect the things entrusted to me. I must plan accordingly. currently i thank the Lord that God gave me time to do BCL with Javier and Aaron, the wisdom to mentor Porter, understanding to prepare Sun Sch and CG lesson. What i need to keep in mind now are my bethel series class which i've totally neglected it and my responsiblity as the Prog IC for this half year's CGEO.

Thurs we went to Chai Chee to do a prog called pinnacle for Sec 3 Normal Tech Students - Nathelie's class! The guys were much different from the sec 1s we came to contact to 2 weeks ago. they were more restless and easily distracted. finding talking point was hard. As the Lord told me to be faithful, i cannot have the mindset that i just do the prog and leave, but to commit it to the Lord by praying for my students, preparing each time before meeting them.

Today was outing. And it was movie watching! We watched Gridiron Gang. In short, it's about a youth juvenile worker trying to use American Football to change the youth convicts and teach them discipline, teamwork, and make them useful to society. It's kinda related to Sports Ministry so we have assignment!! haha got essay somemore leh! feels like sch agaiN! =)

Tmr is a climbing prog for pri4-6 students. not suppose to mention anything about the gospel. it is suppose to support a prog by Youth Guidance. Well, can trust the Lord has a plan. will still need to pray that we are faithful to do our best for the prog. =)

-=P3ng=- | 7:59 pm

Monday, January 22
Allowing the Word of God to speak to me

A tendency i find myself falling into. Today was staff meeting and i looked foward to listen to the speaker. SYFC has speakers who teach and gives u so much details and understanding from the verses. It's really insightful.

Today was on 1 Cor 3:18 - 4: 21 talking about Divisive Attitudes. He summed up into 4 areas, deceiving oneself, misjudging others, misjudging oneself and deceiving others. The verse "the heart is deceitful above all things" struck me as i was reflecting. Here the speaker is trying to tell me about how wrong my perceptions and values can be, holding on to false pride and stuff. Yet, i didn't open myself to reflect as i received the Word.

What went thru my mind instead was knowledge, filling up what i do not know. And next came how can i teach another person about the same topic. But the thought of reflecting it upon myself, the thought of God is speaking directly to me.... was lost. I realised how easily i can get caught up with knowledge of God's word that it just remains as head knowledge! The need to reflect upon myself is very impt. And the reflection must come application. What i need to start and what i need to stop doing. That's the best application questions I've found so far. It really gets u to think!

Pray that I don't allow it to happen again. But allow God to teach me as His word speaks.

-=P3ng=- | 10:44 pm

Journaling for Project Serve

My blog shall now be a place where i journal my thoughts and feelings as i go thru this 46 days as a Project Serve in Singapore Youth For Christ (SYFC) serving in Sports and Adventure Ministry (SAM).. I thought it's nicer than just keeping it to a book.. and if i'm going to show my supervisor, then i can't really put very personal stuff.. so ya.. here i go!

Project Serve started 3 weeks ago, with a camp called Adventure Week. I shall not elaborate on the details, they are in a previous post. Then was the Open House where various ministries gave a presentation of what they do - a great enouragement to see how people with different platforms, serving the Lord with the same passion. Then was the rock wall week where we completed Rock Climbing basics level 1 and 2. That sat we had a Rock wall evangelistic event where we conducted rock climbing for about 15 BB boys and also shared the gospel. And then was this week.. Where field works like soccer coaching begins... That's what has happened so far.. Sorry i didn't journal earlier...

Serving as a Project Servant is a really wonderful experience, having able to serve the Lord with like-minded people, all willing to put in effort, all basing their lives with the same principles found in God's word. Amazing. Serving in SAM is really cool. I never knew that there is so much to Sports Ministry, and how God places us where we are, giving us our passion, to serve Him where we are!

My greates struggle thus far has been time management. It's really hard to get used to having only week nights to do everything that i need to do for care group/ church/ personal stuff/ family stuff. It's really hard for me especially when i made it a point to do everything that is given to me well. Juggling more than i can handle becomes really strenuous. Thank God Romans guided me when he pointed it out to me. The trouble with doing too many things is that I become task-minded, no longer remembering the reason i do things.

The Lord in His amazing timing taught me a lesson on Time Management during one of the combined training in SYFC:

The above shows a very lousy paint picture of what i learnt. Cos i tot a diagram really helps, and i didn't take a photo when she taught the lesson. So i rushed thru the above diagram. Ya, managing time is very simple. One principle is 1st things 1st. If we put in the big stuff 1st, then put the smaller stuff, then pour water, everything will go in. The big stuff (ping pong balls) in this case are God related stuff, like responsibilities, and time spent with God, studying His word etc. Then comes the small pebbles which are your important stuff that u need to do like homework, or favours for people. Then comes your sand which are you not impt stuff like ur handphone, computer, blog, chatting, movies, going out with friends. The water in this case represents time. You will have time when the right order is made.

However, if you pour in the sand 1st, there will be no space for the ping pong balls. and you will have problem. Worse, if you trys to control time, (pouring the water 1st) then nothing can go in!

A simple illustration. But it was God's way of teaching me how i can manage my time in this period of stress and time demanding period. I kept finding myself lack of time to do anything!

I am learning now to live by opportunities rather than living by the clock. No longer focused on meeting deadlines, ticking off my to-do-list. But about serving. Doing things, mindful of opportunity. Doing things with the big picture in mind.

Pray that as i carry on this week, that i learn to depend on God as I plan my time and prioritise the things i have to do. And serving God joyfully in the midst of the stress =)

-=P3ng=- | 8:08 pm

Saturday, January 20
What if... all these were not true?

I know this post shouldn't even be here.. But i was thinking about it and it was really interesting to consider what i have come to believe in the opposite view point.

I had this thought when i was trying to understand my parents viewpoint and concerns when i was asking about my baptism. The concerns were genuine, out of love for me, from a non-Christian point of view. So it got me thinking... what if.. i was wrong...

My parents said i simply jump into it too quickly and too deeply. If i were in their shoes, i will give that response too. I mean it's only 3 years, you are serving, devoting so much time into it, and nothing else seems important. (if they knew i was leading i think they will be even more concerned!) But it really was valid... How did i end up where i am today?

I think many of my friends will ask that question should they know me now. Though now i admit, i hardly find time for my old friends who knew me before i was a Christian. Why am i so sure? So committed? I think i should think too deep. in simple terms, i've found the one thing in life that explained everything that i needed to know, gave certainty to life and death, but must importantly, i experienced what it is like to know God personally. Like a friendship, as you spend more time with a person, you will get to know him more and that will decide whether you will continue the friendship or not. Similarly, the more i know God, the more convinced i am of the truth that i learnt. If Christianity is about rituals and practices, i think i'll quit going church long ago, because i would rather burn joss stick with my parents than having to struggle to wake up every sunday! But it's really more than fulfilling a duty..

And because in the light of such understanding, i am unable to remain silent. Such great news, such understanding that many are searching, yet i am so privileged to have found it...

Many say they have reasons to believe it is not true.. My question is So let's take it that it is not true, and all of us die and disappear for eternity, then all of us are at a lost. But what if it is true, then I will be with God in heaven and you won't..

Everyone will be held responsible for their choice!

-=P3ng=- | 10:55 pm

Tuesday, January 16
Stepping Into 2007

Time flew and it's now the 3rd week into 2007. In the midst of my busyness, i want to take time to stop for a moment and look at how has it been so far......

Project Serve in SYFC filled up most of my days. More than just having opportunities to reach out to young people and share the gospel, I have learnt a lot from the lessons, the sharing, and also the supervisors. Serving the Lord together with like-minded people is really amazing. We are motivated and guided by the same reason and purpose, and we work towards that same goal. I didn't expect to learn so much about myself and my walk with God. I am thankful, through the camp, I've sharpened my focus in setting my goals for 2007. And I am thankful to be using what I have learnt before to teach and encourage others. Even though I've learnt a great deal, I'm still doubtful on how much of it have i applied and changed my life. Pray that I do not end up keeping what i've learnt as head knowledge but really apply it to my life.

SPY001 has officially started. I never knew how much effort can be placed into planning Care Group Meeting - setting objectives, arranging, reviewing, brainstorming... I am reminded that it is the Lord that build the house (Psalm 127:1) and we are simply recipients of God's grace. It isn't by my creativity, my 1 year experience as a leader, or anything else that will cause members to mature. It is really God who works. I thank the Lord for the privilege to be part of this work and how i must continue to pray for wisdom and guidance, as well as for each member.

Beyond that, I am very surprised at how God works at home. Through a simple question of "can i get baptised?" It ended up with Dad saying " Explain to me your faith and if you can convince us." It was somewhere along this line. We talked in chinese, making it hard to me to translate most of the terms and explanations i would normally use. I felt i wanted to do smth about it. But i was reminded that God is the One who convicts and He alone can make a person believe. Not my good reasoning and presentation of the gospel. yet, as i pray about it, i know i need to start preparing, and rehearsing for one of the most important moment of my life - the sharing of the gospel to my parents!

-=P3ng=- | 11:05 pm

Sunday, January 14
Trying to Catch My Breath

Last week i had a taste of what it's like to be in high gear! Meetings, Fellowship, Project Serve, Chai Chee Sec, etc.. It's only the beginning.. This coming week is going to be even more xiong when i realised that every weekday night can potentially be filled with activity! I'll end up being at home to sleep! Haha, of couse i know how far i can go and when i need rest. No worries =)

But what i want to say is, hey this should be Life. from the moment i wake up till i rest, i'm doing what i find fruitful, and i'm enjoying it, not as wearisome as during the days in army. But i do see the dangers of not being watchful of my relationship with God. It's very easy to fall into "I am ok" mentality, but i thank the Lord for always showing me how much i needed Him.

There is just so much i've learnt and i wanted to share. It has been really encouraging doing project serve in Singapore Youth For Christ (SYFC). It's really amazing to see so many people coming together, wanting to do the same thing with that passion - Responsible Youth Evangelism. Really thank God for the 50 years since SYFC started!

I shall not post my support letter here because it'll seem long and boring to read. But in short, I'm in Project Serve for 3 months, in Sports and Adventure Ministry (SAM). 9am to 530pm each day, going thru workshops, bible studies, rock wall evangelistic session with schools, going to schools for coaching, neighbourhood basketball outreach, etc. To be able to reach out to youths and share the gospel almost everyday is really wonderful and challenging!

***
I went in to the Sanctuary and sat down, asking God to take all my worries and be silent before Him. I asked God to let me worship Him as my heart wanted to and let all other things fade away. Standing in the sanctuary in the midst of the crowd, only God's views mattered to me. And as I began to sing, my hands naturally found its way lifted up. There was only one thing in my mind - I want to praise this precious Lord of mine!

-=P3ng=- | 9:26 pm

Saturday, January 6
Adventure Week

What better way to start off Project Serve and a new year than with a camp!

It's really amazing how through a camp, it is the quickest and easiest way to bring a group of strangers to know each other not just by names but also bonded through difficulties faced during the camp!

I shall bring you through what i did for the camp! the reflections on it will be done in another post.

3rd Jan
It has been long since i woke up so early at 530am just to reach Chua Chu Kang by 8am! Going back there reminded me of army because my camp was neart there. But i didn't expect the bus to drive pass by camp area to the camp called Camp Christine. I went into a camp, clueless of what to expect and indeed i was surprised!

Team Initiatives (Warm-Up Games)
Played a few circle and field games and had to memorise a few people's names. A game got us to work together to accomplish a task and another got us to cross a "minefield" blindfolded, guided only by our partner.

Lunch
After the camp briefings and some rules, i was looking forward to eat. And guess what. We have to cook our own food! vegetables, maggi, rice, chicken, seasoning, hotdogs, etc.. 4 groups combined shared a kitchen and cooked! Guys ended up mostly with washing though we did help in the cooking during some meals while the girls need to cooking. The food wasn't bad at all! (we had to do this for 2 whole days!

Orienteering
Guess what, yes map reading and walking again. For 2 hours. The start of bonding within the group.

Lesson on What's worthwhile under the sun

Night walk
We were suppose to visit the chinese cemetery and a christian cemetery. But the rain poured so heavily that we only viewed from the bus

4th Jan
Morning Glory
A light morning jog at 6am. Then jungle trekking. And the best part of it all. Something i had not do since sec sch. MUD CRAWL! we were in our unwanted clothes. But little did i expect it to be at that time, so early in the morning. And the mud was so natural in the middle of the forest! The girls really screamed! Impressed at how they took it rather than complaining.

The Rescue
Another familiar activity for me. building a raft using tyres and wooden planks and rafia strings to tie. Then we rowed it out to the sea to rescue one of our supervisors

Bike Prep/ Lesson/ Race Briefing
The race is the ultimate highlight of the camp. Trekking, biking, abseiling, and more walking! We were briefed and prepared like it was really an adventure race we sign up for. Professionally done.

5th Jan
The Race
We board the bus, went to Bukit Timah! Went up and down the hill, round the hill through the bike trail. Did abseiling at a quarry, walked to MacRitchie reservoir. In case you have never walked these paths before, it was very tiring! Our group came in 1st.. 6 hours of chiong-ing. Cuts, bites, scratches. Lots of souvenirs to bring back home.

Wash up/ BBQ/ Prize presentation

6th Jan
Debrief/ Clean Up/ the end!

Haha, i had not expect the camp to be so physically challenging. It wasn't difficult for me as i had been through similiar and tougher experiences but i was concerned for those less fit and adventurous people. Especially the girls. I was really impressed at how they too persevered and also completed the race. Shall blog on my reflections and what i have learnt next post..

-=P3ng=- | 11:46 pm

Tuesday, January 2
When life speeds faster than i can blog

Care Groups, Thailand Mission Trip, The Christmas Switch, Christmas Caroling, Christmas Services, Retreat at Sentosa, Countdown at Jon House...

It seemed like a year since i gotten back my pink I/C! yet it's only less than 2 months. SO SO much has happened. As i was packing for Adventure Week just now, i was thinking wow i'm been packing for many camps lately. Adventure Week is the start of my new 'job'. I'm going for Project Serve at Singapore Youth For Christ. I haven't even got time to pen down my reflections i did during the retreat and now i'm off again to another camp. I give thanks to God for the extremely exciting and at the same time fulfilling life that i am experiencing now. I pray that i can cope with all these on top of the CG responsibilities and being in charge of Program for CGEOs this half of the year. But i will see God's work and glory through all these as i had last year.

I will blog about my reflections soon. After this camp i hope i will find time. =)

-=P3ng=- | 10:47 pm