Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you. (1 Tim 4:16)

Friday, November 24
Going to Hong Kong with Family

Yep, i'm going off.. tmr early morn.. Pls pray for my family.. esp for opportunities for me and my bro to share God's love to our parents, relatives and cousins. I'm going there to enjoy.. so hope that i'll stop worrying and just enjoy =)

will be back on 29th nov night.. hope not too many things happen when i'm gone =p

-=P3ng=- | 11:14 pm

The end of a Phase

I'm very thankful God has given me ample time over the past week to reflect, and prepare. Though i have realised I haven't been focusing and enjoying my fellowship with God lately. Today marks the end of an interesting portion of my post ORD life. Though it's just another friday, it feels very different simply because tmr I'll be going off to Hong Kong with my family and relatives. Sometimes things are added with a lot more meaning when there's an end to it. It causes us to cherish. Amazing how time really flies, it was ORD a few weeks ago and here i am preparing to go overseas already.

Over the past few weeks I find myself being pushed to limits having to go through some personal struggles that really caused great unrest in my heart. They surfaced mainly cause i choose to not listen what God has in mind. Indeed, my experiences supported what God guided me to teach at a cell group. Most of the time it is not that we do not know what God wants us to do, but that we are not prepared to follow. It is clear the directions God is trying to show me, yet i fail to trust as i should. Many things i was watching my heart, after realising how deceitful it can be. Pride, judgemental eyes, irresponsibilities, and other desires of the heart.

The words of Jesus pierced my heart when I was reading on the parable of the wise and foolish builder. I listened but i did not act on it. And when waves come, i fall. It humbled me to take His guidance seriously. It also humbled me to seek His help in overcoming my sinful thoughts and guarding my heart. The meaning of santification reminded me that it is a life of gratitude I'm living, not proving that I'm worthy of salvation. A life of joy, an expression of thanksgiving for the Lord who saved me, unworthy as i am.

-=P3ng=- | 2:38 pm

Monday, November 20
Recent Fun Fun Activities!

Recently it has been packed with much fun activities. Squash/Tennis/Swim at joyclyn's house. I simply wanted to learn squash. Liked the sport once i learnt it. And it's a great challenge to beat Romans. haha he can really play very well!

Then there was board games at my house.. Spend a cell group session playing card games, heart attack, jenga, cranium, etc.. haha we are all very pro at jenga.. stacked it until it is more than twice its original height!


 

-=P3ng=- | 8:27 pm

Sunday, November 19
Can my walk with God be measured?

It's not like me at 12 midnight when i'm preparing to sleep to suddenly on my comp again and blog. (esp i have to wake up early tmr) But I was reflecting... And i was stuck... stuck with the question above. So i decided to type out my thoughts as i ask God and seek an answer.

I was reading Ranald's reflection letter before i off my comp. and it got me thinking how is my walk with God for this month so far. Before i say it wasn't good again, i thought hard.. I was clueless. What is the right thing to use to measure my walk with God?

Is it feeling? I don't FEEL as close to God. then i thought why. maybe because i've been praying so often it lost it's special effect and meaning that "Hey i'm talking to God!" But i do acknowledge God and i do make effort to mean everything i pray and to pray what God prompts me to. I know I'm sincere in my words. (One will know it when one is sincere or simply chanting words!)

Then maybe it's because i had not been doing my QT regularly.. Then i thought, so i measure my walk with God by how many QT i'm doing? Can't be.. Because my actions should be an expression of something deeper inside.. God doesn't measure ppl by what they do anyway.. I believe that there should be no difference. If we are saved by grace and not works, how can works be used to measure how "good" a Christian is? It's simply wrong!

Is it then my attitude towards Him? How am i going to measure something like that? i can't.. just like love is something beyond measure, can't be quantified.

Then can i only measure my walk with God by looking at the trials i go through? Because it seems only during trials i FEEL God very close to me because i seek Him so earnestly... (Of course I do know that by right we should seek God with the same intensity, and i'm not going to give any excuse because I failed to do so.) So trials aren't the measure of my walk with God.

After thinking through, i have a few conclusions. One fact i left out is that a relationship with God is both ways and is not by human efforts alone. But the promise God gave is that if you draw near to God, God will draw near to you (James 4:8). Next, my relationship with God is not something i should measure for it is not meant to be measured! Every relationship God has with His children are different and special. Only God and you will know how close your relationship is. And you cannot check and compare each month and expect to see results and changes everytime because certain struggles God brings you through should be seen in a bigger picture and takes time.

With that said, it doesn't change anything we already know but reaffirms the character of God. Neither does it change our attitude towards how we should live our lives. Our attitude should be to acknowledge God throughout your day. That means that if i did not exactly think of God when doing work.. it means i did not depend on Him. Then if i did not think of God for the ministry I'm doing, it is not acknowledging God/not doing it with the mindset I'm doing for God. And it is VERY REAL and DANGEROUS especially when u are doing so many things and doing it so often. QT sharing, song leading, reading the bible are just a few. We are to put in effort to change the areas of our lives that God prompts us to, because we love God. It is an on-going process and doesn't mean you are a more successful Christian if you can change more areas.

With that i conclude this post with a few facts. God sees all man the same. All have sinned. Serious, unintended, once, many times, still sin. God does NOT measure Christians by how good they can serve or pray or convert ppl. So neither should we measure each other like that.

-=P3ng=- | 12:30 am

Thursday, November 16
10 days after ORD self-check

It has been 10 days sicne i ORD-ed, and a month since i started clearing leave... And then comes these important questions..

What have i done?

Erm.. packed my cupboard and got rid of a lot of useless things.. Didn't really spend more time to help my bro.. spend a lot of time in church with the guys, preparing for mission trip, cell group stuff..

The "I want to do" list was accumilated since last year when i dreamt of the amount of free time i will have when i ORD. so much i wanted to do, improve myself etc.. but now, like not much really done..

But i'm thankful i did spend quite some time with God, serving Him, fellowship with His people.. such time spent are simply invaluable.

My next question was... Do i enjoy what I'm doing?

Not exactly because like the previous post i mentioned i was too caught up in getting things done.. "must learn how to have fun naturally".. haha that was a feedback by Sherm during the TMT i went 2 years ago.. The journal was one of the many things i enjoyed looking at while i was packing my cupboards. I found my nametag with Patrick in Thai written on it.. Found loads of treasures.. and also loads of trash. i kept many things, thought they were smth worth keeping. but threw away while packing. I threw away my AHS year books.. i thought to myself, i won't wanna look at it in future anyway, i would rather look at my CCA photos.. but i kept my TJ year books.. haha!

I will try to learn to have fun naturally.. it's weird eh, that deep inside i want to have fun (who wouldn't!) but yet i refrain myself from it.. hmm

-=P3ng=- | 6:16 pm

Tuesday, November 14
Guilt and a sense of Guilt

This is something i found really interesting from bethel series and want to share.. The words and the way they phrase certain ideas really causes an impact!

"The rebellion in Eden triggered that moral mechanism in Adam's heart and suddenly a sense of guilt arrived upon the scene to pay its visit. Like a messenger out of nowhere it dangled Adam's failure before his eyes and reminded him that the Master of the garden had issued no decrees which would permit man to make his own rules... Plagued by a sense of guilt and fearful of facing the offended, Adam and Eve, took the one avenue of escape open to them. They hid from God."
..
"The feeling of guilt is deadly and no living mortal has escaped it. Many times it has breathed its stagnant breath upon us, and we have recoiled from its stench. Like an unwelcomed intruder it bursts upon us in persistent intervals and takes up a residence in human hearts which are neither designed nor intended to harbor it. When it comes, it is ugly! It rains ruin upon peace f mind and makes shambles out of serenity and well-being, because it brings with it a whole company of bed fellows: shame, uneasiness, a gnawing sense of hypocrisy, regret and remorse. It destroys the sense of self dignity, because it parades our failures before our eyes. It turns our spirits downward into dust, and we are left with nothing loftier to think about than our own misery. And we who have offended God do not like to face Him with a fistful of failures, anymore than Adam liked to face Him! "
...

Hence, the extreme joys on hearing the good news. God's love is greater than man's rebellion! GOD LOVES US YET! When God says, Your sins are forgiven, accept His forgiveness and don't be plagued by guilt. Guilt does everything bad but DOES NOT prevent us from sinning even more. God's forgivness doesn't and will never depend on who we are or what we do. That's God's love for you! Understanding the truth helps to set us free =)

-=P3ng=- | 9:53 pm

Recent Notes

 This is Tim's version of the Buddha in case if you are wondering.. Had an amazing time with the guys at the Chalet. (Romans, Tim, my bro, minoru, porter, michael, chang xiang) We played Cranium! The chalet was booked by my parents for my cousin's 21st bday. but her friends all left by sun evening maybe cos all either working or poly students. Even though it was a short 1 night stay, it was very fun.. esp all guys! haha!

Again i shall say, yes much has happened. but that should be the life I'm expected to experience. After all, I live again thanks to what Christ did, living with a purpose, able to experience every moment here on earth with God. However, my QT today spoke exactly what i had been doing. Christ has opened our prison cell doors, yet we are still in our cells, not walking out! Christ saved me from living a meaningless life that merely exist on this earth but the ability to experience it to its fullest. yet, i had been "living in the future"(a term i came up with). i had been caught up with completing tasks that i always kept doing about it, and not focused on the present; always looking ahead the point when i finish the tasks. it's a never ending trap that only costed me living and experiencing the present! i should worry less and enjoy what i'm doing yet remain responsible...

I'm already free from army, i can choose to do what i want with my time.. so why am i not glad about it? hmm... oh YAY! =D

-=P3ng=- | 9:17 pm

Wednesday, November 8
Our purpose in Life

Sorry for the sudden surge of posts. Haha, i just want to make sure every thought is recorded down now that i can do it.. unlike last time when i couldn't access the net from camp..


I was reading through the testimonies of various members that is to be used to share to the Thai youths during the mission trip. one thought keep coming to my mind.. After keep asking others to think about the purpose of life, to ask them what they are chasing after, do we ourselves really know and understand the purpose of life is?

Trust and obey God. that's what we tell each other, that's the model answer we give others. But i wonder if i really understand what it means. I mean trust in what? obey in what? From discovery journey, i learnt it's trust in God providing our needs, and obey in the purpose in what God determines for us..

ok.. so what the purpose that God determined for us? haha, i can't imagine i took so long to start thinking about this issue. after so long being a Christian..

Then God, as always helped me in my understanding.
Acts 17: 24-28
The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And He is not served by human hands, as if He needed anything, because He himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man He made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though He is not far from each one of us.

Our purpose is similar to God's purpose in sending Jesus Christ. Restoring the relationship that was lost.
A quote from my bethel series notes:

It was... is... and alwats shall be the will and the purpose of God to bring His estranged children back into His waiting arms that they might live with Him in eternity.

That's the summaried message of the Cross.. and the whole Christian life. To seek God and to tell and help others to do so to. and hence the greatest commandment. Love God and love your neighbour. So our purpose in life is to return to the relationship with God aka seeking God daily. And that love in the relationship gives the ability to trust Him and obey Him. so trust and obey becomes a result, not the purpose.

Just some thought to something that i'm not satisfied and convinced about. And it's amazing that our purpose and God's purpose is the same. But then again, why shouldn't it? =)

-=P3ng=- | 11:00 am

Tuesday, November 7
Random shots using my new phone!

My new phone can take quite power pictures.. given that it is 3.0 Meagepixels =) but after exploring, i found out there's more to it...

This is was accidently taken while trying to take the photo below.. there was a lag before the photo is taken.. so i thought the camera already took it and i turned my phone back up-right.. and this happened! i was so amused by it! haha, tried to do it delibrately again but can't seem to get it.. this effect is cooL!

This is an effect i didn't know my phone could do.. the effect is called Sketch.. so i can take pictures as if they are like comic drawings.. so cool.. sorry lah.. i noob, dunno got such interesting functions..

-=P3ng=- | 10:06 pm

Be prepared - in season or out of season

Ivy was sharing about how God reminded her of the need to be ready at all times to share about God during last sunday's mission trip devotion session. I was reminded again when i was waiting for bus yesterday. The tree you see bears beautiful white/pink flowers at special times of the year.. and when i saw it without its beautiful flowers, God used it to remind me how important it is to be prepared even when it is "out of season". another words, there is no planning or special events to share God's gospel. God, whose ways are incomprehensible, will bring people to you to ask about God or opportunities for you to share about your life with God at very unexpected timings.

If we allow such opportunities to pass us without any concern, then it's time we should ask ourselves how important and urgent do we see sharing the Gospel is?

"preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction." (2 Tim 4:2)

-=P3ng=- | 9:31 pm

Monday, November 6
ORD LOH!

-=P3ng=- | 11:12 am

Sunday, November 5
the counter reached ZERO!

wow... i can't believe it.. the counter reached ZERO days!!! see above.. *trying to psycho myself to be excited.. I've been too caught up in Mission Trip stuff, cell group stuff that i've forgotten about camp! good sign? yay!

by the way, i'm just totally puzzled.. people visit my blog don't tag one.. then i have no idea who is visiting.. last week this was the status:
Journey To Perfection
(s11GreatAPS)
-- Site Summary ---
Visits
Total ........................ 4,581
Average per Day ................. 16
Average Visit Length .......... 3:08
This Week ...................... 114

Page Views
Total ........................ 5,770
Average per Day ................. 21
Average per Visit .............. 1.3
This Week ...................... 145


114!! wow, even if i have 20 ppl viewing, everyday they''ll view every day once! gee just who is looking at my blog.. average visit 3 mins somemore.. heh lolz, maybe it's the "using my blog as a link to other websites" making the counter inaccurate.. oh well! doesn't really matter =)

-=P3ng=- | 9:21 pm

Saturday, November 4
The end of 1year 10months

Peng’s Reflection Letter – October

ORD Letter

It’s finally over! We always complain how time flies but not for me this time. This 1 year 10 months is packed with countless experiences and life-changing situations that challenged everything I had. Physically, Emotionally, Attitudes, Behaviours, Perspectives, Maturity and most importantly my Spiritual walk with the Lord.

I must first thank God. Because if He had not called me to follow Him before I go into NS, I would have been a very different person today. But amazing and sovereign as always, God called me at a critical point in my life and through the many experiences which I’ve shared and blogged about, God pulled me closer to Him.

He taught me to trust Him. Even in the most impossible and hopeless situations, God worked miracles. In the midst of all negative and ungodly influences, God told me to obey Him and be a light. As much as I’ve struggled, God showed me the power of His Spirit working in me to keep the light going. When I was totally drained and found it impossible to live a Christian life in NS, He gave me strength and motivation to carry on by reminding me of His love for me and my love for Him.

NS provided an opportunity for me to experience an extreme. Though it might not be worse than the past as many people would brag about, it did got me way out of my comfort zone, and I found myself alone with God. Everywhere I was posted except the initial few months, I was the only Christian there. Not only did I not receive any encouragement from Christians but everyday I live with jokes made by my close friends and situations to cause me to waver God’s standards. This really caused me to totally depend on God’s strength and it really helped me to appreciate the Lord even more.

Because of how much God is doing, it has become a way of life for me not to stop telling others what God is doing and how great He is. And all glory should go to the Lord because without Him I would be helpless.

Comparing with how I was before the NS, I thank God that He used this experience to help me to be independent and to treasure Him so much that I would not exchange it for anything else.

Moving to the next stage in life, I see a different setting. Back in my comfort zone I should not allow myself to forget how valuable the pure and close relationship with God is. It may seem weird but doing God’s work seems to have a greater tendency for me to forget about God. I tend to think that I’m “safe” being accepted by God for what I do. I lost that intimacy with God recently. It cannot be a work I’m obliged to do. I cannot wait until something happens then I start to seek God as fervently again. My service for God should be an expression of love for Him, and the responsibilities I have cannot be a burden to me. But I realised it will be so if I stop loving God as much. Sometimes I justify myself thinking that doing QT and praying should make us close to God but I realised it should be a relationship, like a friendship. And it’s an every moment thing.

I’m very grateful that God gave me the opportunity to lead a mission trip. And I pray that my effort put in will be as much as the love I have for Him. With a month of preparation before we go, I pray that this journey of preparation will help every member to be drawn closer to God in constant dependence and prayer. Pray with me for the team, the trip and myself for wisdom and discipline to lead the team well.

A Civilian Once Again
Peng

-=P3ng=- | 10:01 am

Thursday, November 2
Shifting to High Gear

For all of us when we blog, there are times we wanted to write something down but because it's too personal maybe because it is not meant to be public or too embrassing, we had to find elsewhere to jot it down..

For me, sometimes i simply don't publish the post but save it as a draft for future personal reference. =)

Where did my time go? I quite amazed how time keep passing yet i don't see much of the things i set out to do get done. Partly is the ORD mood which leads to the attitude:" yea i'm very free, go out? sure!" I gave lots of promises to do things or help others, but i end up being a irresponsible person when my precious resource - time runs out.

The Lord taught me many things throughout the past few days. and much more will come. the more He guides me, the more i realise i need to mature and prepared. I only pray that I'll overcome my weaknesses with His help and start fanning into flames the gift the Spirit has given me.

And yes, I bought a new phone. I love my new phone. even the process of getting it was something that only God could have made it possible. Anyway i guess this will be my last big budget item i will buy.. cash stopped coming in le.. must be careful how i spend my $.

*note: A happy congras to my friend getting his pink i/c tmr just because he enlisted a day earlier. oh well, after a year and 10months, 1 weekend more isn't much difference eh... Getting my pink IC on MONDAY!

-=P3ng=- | 11:08 pm

This picture shows the front of the Synagogue we visit last last tue. (sorry late post) It is written something like "Remember who you are standing before" We should have it too in our church. It helps us remember that we are standing before the great Lord and out of our reverence show respect for Him

-=P3ng=- | 10:30 pm

Normal Blogging will resume shortly

I do wish i need not spend time typing out my thoughts.. haha 1 post sometimes takes more than half an hour simply typing it and editing it.. will post soon.. currently having much to do.. =)

-=P3ng=- | 11:12 am