The Reason I Live is Christ

Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you. (1 Tim 4:16)

Saturday, October 28
No Time? Make Time!

lately the ORD mood is really kicking in.. but so is my laze.. 2 weeks have past and what i really planned and wanted to do, i kept procrastinating.. i had been going around, promising ppl i will do stuff, yet i find myself unable to get them done..it's horrible when even impt tasks given by God gets pushed aside. i really need to plan a proper time table for this week onwards and ensure i am accountable with the time God gave..

much has happened as always, much maybe because i now live a life with God, things are set into their right perspective.. Joy, how could i not feel that joy? Don't i see it? If it weren't for God i will be still heading nowhere in life! i will be waiting to be buried! By God's grace I, a wretched disobedient child, is saved from punishment and death! And I'm living each day with God, my Creator. I'm actually receiving help from the most powerful person in the whole universe to live my life that is righteous and i get to be used by Him to do His work. Not forgetting i get to enjoy praising the One together with others who see His worth.
Now.... Why did i forget this joy? unless i've taken it for granted and forgot its meaning, value and failed to appreciate such great news. Yes, i believe it had been so. But i'm glad God reminded me of it =)

-=P3ng=- | 10:42 pm

Wednesday, October 25
Without a Care?

"how wonderful it is to be without a care in the world"

i was reading a prayer mail from Pastor Lee and this phrase kind of caught my attention.. no, this wasn't the focus of the QT material, but it reminded me of what Romans asked me once, "When was the happiest moment of your life?" honestly, at that point in time i've never thought of that, but when he shared about how his happiest moment was when he was young. I was then reminded how it was like in primary sch when during the holidays i would look forward to each weekday evening where Mom will bring me and my brother down and play with other kids around the neighbourhood. Be it cycling, playing at the playground, catching, it was really enjoyable.

but after thinking through, i dunno why but these 2 incidents i felt really happy and carefree, both somewhat similar =) One was during trilogy camp, when i just accepted Christ and was invited to join YCG in a evangelistic camp at sentosa. It was amazingly fun to sit through and participate the Variety night hosted by Romans of course. the throwing of the balls, the hammers and the clothes pegs! the 2nd was during LOST camp, (* maybe during camps the atmosphere is there) the night where Ranald was the judge and i sued Shemuel for harrasment.. Lol! the whole night was an enjoyable one.

is happiness linked to carefree? i'm no great philosophy expert. but i do know that Happiness and Joy are 2 very different things. yet many times i end up confusing the 2 leading me to question where's the joy from being in the Lord? i do not really have a perfect biblical answer to this question of how to experience joy remaining/ serving/ being in the Lord..

i'll take time to think it through.. will continue with this post soon =)

-=P3ng=- | 6:33 pm

Sunday, October 22
Extreme conditions reveal true character

*a long post i know, a reference and a reminder for myself. so i must write it down. give God the glory!

It's a sunday 1220am, i'm in a cab, in my army uniform, long sleeved; My hair is dry and sandy, too dirty to try arrange it... skin burnt from the sun, physical exhausted emotionally challenged.. no longer thinking peacfully.. It's rare, i thought to myself, that i would ever flag a cab when there's midnight charge.. but the thought to leave everything behind and just want to go home is too strong for me to even think reasonably..

It had been a very emotional day for me.. a struggle i never thought i would go through.. Another live firing, ok, i'm numb to it already.. just get over with it.. my mind had been flooded with thoughts which are further convinced by my friends - i shouldn't be here, i'm not needed here! I refrained myself from thinking anything to do with the party.. it'll be self-pity, and i'm much more mature than that.. or so i keep telling myself..

it got harder as the chance for the a possibility of the live firing being cancelled just swept us by.. 10am in the morning, the 1st bomb had been delayed for 2 hours because the target area was difficult to observe due to the haze.. but things take a 180 degress turn when not only the live firing resumed, we are further stressed to squeeze in the bombs we had to fire in the morning on top of those we have to fire in the afternoon.. the stress further heigthened when one of the 3 barrels was faulty mid-way throught the firing and the 2 remaining one (i was at one of them) have to fire even more bombs.. the stress and tension was worsen by the sudden disappearance of the haze resulting in the direct attack from the soarching heat from the sun.. hours after hours under the sun we carried on fire missions after missions.. there was no break, not even for meals.. then for some, the tension reached its peak...Some expressed through anger and annoyance, others just kept it to themselves and sat quietly.. one of the commanders started complaining why the officers get to remain in the shade and wait while we keep suffering under the sun..

was it something different? no.. i've experienced an identical day on my birthday last month.. same pressure, same heat.. yet it ended differently.. i had my friends to talk to.. but yest i was left alone. one was allowed to leave for concert, another didn't need to come.. AND most importantly, we left straight for home after the live firing.. this time i had to go back and help them pack up... i got very annoyed... towards the end, my other friends could see from my face the distinct loss of lifeliness i usually have..

what is expected of a Christian? i was tormented emotionally when i acknowledged that i had totally ignored God.. i was reminded by His Spirit and i prayed.. there was great opportunity for me to talk to my junior instructors.. i even managed to talk about God and brought him to share about what's troubling him in being a "proper" Christian.. but i let excuses kept my mouth shut.. so he never got his answer on why it is not weird to be living your life for God..

instead of being used by God, i kept looking inward, grumbling, making the morale worse then helping it.. in OAC or in St John last time, we always say these extreme and outdoor elements will reveal your true person.. indeed it did.. i had no strenght to make myself respond the way i should, i did what was easy -- nothing. but one thing i did observe about myself, as much as i felt as annoyed and irritated by the whole situation, as much as i felt i want to become "someone hard to handle by being uncooperative and rude", i did not do anything rash "except taking of cab home". some of my friends even asked me to just leave when i was back at home.. asking me why am i still here.. i thought maybe it's really part of who God made me to be, a person of integrity that despite the pressure, i found it hard to do something that's wrong.. but that righteousness comes from fearing God, understanding and convinced that He still expects me to be righteous. but neverthless, i showed my "black face" when i was back in camp.. the whole hour in camp i keep struggling to make myself accept and be humble before God, but i kept choosing to remain in self-pity..

God's grace came... (and it's really grace as it was something i did not deserved) God's grace came when i went up to the boss and asked if he needed me to stay back for the debrief.. He allowed me to go home... within 20mins i was at home washing the sands off my hair... But i realised i did not thank God for it until before i sleep He reminded me. 9 hours later i find myself listening to Pastor Wong's sermon on humility and greatness. Amazing how God speaks. I spent the service resting in God's presence, talking to God and went through with Him again what happened the day before.

the issue is that i had similar experiences in India before. where i reach my endurance limit and i'll turn silent, keep to myself, struggled within. i will become easily irritable and disregard for those around me. how awful.. it came upon me... why i struggled? or maybe i'm not as convinced and convicted by God as i thought i was. why then i had to struggle so much with so many aspects of my life. attitudes, desires, ambitions, emotions.. why am i fighting so hard every moment of my life? I told Amanda once before, she should not try to psycho herself to believe that studying is good. it must be a convicted that she understands the reason and purpose behind studying which causes a genuine postitive attitude towards it. so the important question came.. i knew that living for God is not only as a expression of gratitude but also a way to witness-------------------am i truly convinced? as i only think i am...

i spent that few hours thinking. because everything i did hung on it. then it occured to me, if i am not truly convinced, i won't be in the chapel lifting my hands praising God, and trying to seek God's forgiveness of the poor attitude i've shown..

it made some sense after a while when i remember what they meant by trueself shown in extreme conditions. our true NATURAL self is in fact sinful. that's why it always takes effort to be righteous and respond correctly because it is UNNATURAL. and the part i kept failing to understand and do it to ask God for help. for living a life pleasing to God is not just unnatural, it's SUPERNATURAL. and only the Holy Spirit can help us live that way. that's wad sanctification is about.

Looking back now.. so what if my friend is at home enjoying his birthday, so what if my friend is at Wang Li Hong's concert, so what if all my friends are at a party, this experience brought me in close intimacy with God, and there's nothing i would trade for it.

It was never a religion or belief. It's life itself. Praise God!!
words itself is just so insufficient to express what God is worth.

-=P3ng=- | 10:10 pm

Thursday, October 19
Live Firing

Beyond logic... beyond what the mind can accept...

21st October 06
what an interesting date...

My friend, Desmond's bday...
My other friend, Jason, won, i repeat, WON 2 VIP TICKETS TO WANG LI HONG's concert plus backstage passes!!!

Myself, there's Kenneth's 21st BDAY PARTY!!!

and for the matter.... There is 120mm towed mortar live firing.... which thankfully Desmond is excused...

Will me and my friend be excused? May it be God's will... i've grown pass holding on to "being part of the moment" and believing God has a purpose for me wherever He wants me to be...

my friend isn't taking it well.. getting all angry.. i mean whoa VIP tickets..and it's like they don't really need us there one... got enough instructors already... haiz..

-=P3ng=- | 10:23 pm

Selling Block Party Tickets

"hello, we're from the RC.. we're selling tickets for the block party on 19th Nov.. it's a sunday.. from 3pm to 530pm.. ya, it's only down stairs at the multi-purpose hall.. yes, each ticket only $2.. there is lucky draw, refreshments.. oh not interested? ok thx..."

I can memorise the event details after following my dad to sell 40 tickets.. It's really weird.. in a sense this is my first time after living in my block for 8 YEARS to actually see some of my neighbours...in case u are wondering, my dad's a RC member.. my first time following him going door to door.. not the first time i'm doing it (did it at the blocks near church), but it's a lot more homely feeling.. because i live here in this block.. it's about time i get to know my neighbours anyway.. I didn't expect to sell up to 33 tickets within my block alone.. sold the other 7 at a neighbouring block.. so many "old customers".. realised my dad knows quite a lot of ppl actually.. (i mean why not after selling so many times) it just feels very cool to do it with my dad.. =) maybe next time should pull my bro along.. and nope i dun think i'm going for the party.. heh! see how 1st arh.. =p

-=P3ng=- | 10:15 pm

Wednesday, October 18
The Wait is finally over

The feeling's simply amazing and unbelievable... Long have I waited for this time, dreamt about the life i could have, the freedom and time to do all i wanted.. To say i've started counting down since i enlist is too exaggerated.. but the day i step into army life, i longed it to be over. it was either "it's too far away to think about it so just live day by day" or "please just leave me alone and let me ORD in peace!"...

A sigh of relief, a feeling of "finally it's here". I have never waited for longed for something so much in my life, and i really can't imagine what it'll feel like when I meet God in the future... the wait will be so worth it...

I thought maybe after so long i should enjoy a bit and relax.. but i find myself just loaded with too much to do that i disciplined myself and am convinced that what i thought was relaxing like playing games or watching videos aren't as purposeful.. From mission trip to meeting people for EBS, even my whole room needs some packing and dusting.. not forgetting i've got a brother that is gonna take O levels this year..

I realised a few things about my character.. I need to force my mind to slow down and rest or i'll keep thinking of all the things i want to do and keep trying to get them done.. making myself hectic and not doing things with my heart..

Another thing i've realised.. is about what I wanted.. i was pondering about what my future career i should take, and after hearing what Romans said (i'm not influenced, it's really my own thoughts) and what the Lord has brought me through this week (meeting people for EBS, spending time helping out in ministry things, meeting an old friend and sharing the gospel to him)............. i conclude............. My career has to be God-related... I can't picture myself giving up this opportunity to do God's work as my career. not when it was God Himself who revealed and convinced me that there's nothing in this world is worth chasing after other than God...

Now the question will be what areas..? God is really amazing in how He answers.. I've got a chance to lead a mission trip, can find out more about myself.. I'm in charge of program next 1st half of the year and it's on Outdoor activities and sports! with that i can explore my interests... and serving as a leader and seeing Romans and Ivy help me see what working in full-time ministry is like...

so my next phase in life has already begun! geez, i hope i don't get too used to a non-army life yet.. Still got 18 days more!!

-=P3ng=- | 9:55 pm

Saturday, October 14
It was never about Duty

Me: Lord, i'm tired.. the whole day i've been out.. i'm really drained.. and i had already helped out last week.. and i'm helping to take over.. not that i didn't try to prepare early but very last min leh.. maybe someone else can do it better.. and you didn't really give me a lot of time.. You still gave me so many other responsibiliteis.. i had to spend time fellowship wad..

All it takes is to listen to myself grumbling to God.. How horrible i am.. and i call myself a leader...
The Lord simply asked a question: Is your passion for Me greater or your need to rest more important...?

I can easily boost how i had went through trainings and camps with little sleep.. how i had experienced and able to endure so much.. yet giving one hour of my time to prepare God's lesson.. why couldn't i do it?

His question is enough for me...

I shall continue to prepare the lesson...

-=P3ng=- | 11:47 pm

Wednesday, October 11
weird times of rest and reflection

the situation - after a cool visit to Vivocity and its GV (don't go there yet.. almost all the shops are not open yet.!) i found myself at Raffles Place Mrt with 1 hour to kill while waiting for my friend..

It was kind of a last min decision.. and to meet at raffles place was to decide on an investment my friend introduced me to make.. Walking out into raffles place, i felt rather weird.. I grew up with a habit of not wanting to be out of home for too long.. It feels like if i'm not at home, i'm draining energy.. even though i might be resting outside... It's a mindset prob i guess.. Anyway, i felt so rushed in my heart, not wanting to waste time.. yet i'm forced to wait. The moment i walked out, i felt so out of place. I'm yet to join the workforce. I'm trying to slow down and take a stroll. I see office ppl preparing to go home. I slowly walked, trying to find a place to rest and reflect, and the mrt location map guided me to the Merlion. So i sat. after getting over how long since i've been so close to the merlion, why the haze is back again, i begin to think. It's quite scary... The words just came to my head. My time is up! Yes, I'm standing in between the phases of my life. Army is ending soon (finally) but that also means it's time to move on. Though i have the Mission trip to worry, the Christmas Switch to help out, the retreat to enjoy, I can't wait till the year ends then i think about my future and start looking for a part-time job next year. NS has been a great time for me to explore my interest, my abilities and how i handle various situations, my character and stuff. Now i must come to a conclusion and decide my path soon. while thinking, i thought over the investment i wanted to make. and there's also my life and stuff.. So weird that God made me to teach just last sat on "How can I know what God wants me to do" I'm at a junction and i know i need to seek God.

That hour of reflection was fruitful and quite an experience too. In the end, God made it clear to me through my dad not to make that investment, no matter how risk-free and how worth-it it is... I chose not to upset my dad over a desire to earn some extra cash, though my intention for the money was for my Uni fees.

As for a future path, i see myself wanting to try out 3 areas. 1)An outdoor sports instructor (kayaking or those height element stuff like OBS). 2)A Creationist proving creation through science and sharing gospel in the process. 3) Will God call me to full-time? Am i gifted in this area? What God has prepared for me this year, i had never thought was possible 2 years ago.. So in God's time... =)

-=P3ng=- | 9:55 pm

Monday, October 9
a call towards Maturity

Mature - fully developed in body or mind, as a person

Of the whole list of meanings dictionary.com gave me, i chose the above as the closest to what i'm going to say, yet still far from the understanding I've received from God through these few years...

(I know i've said i'll stop blogging for a while, but i didn't expect myself finding the desire to blog again so soon.. it's a topic i wanted to share about..)

The world defines mature people as people who no longer associate themselves with childish things, who no longer likes what children likes, people who are by their age able to claim themselves as adults, people who are less fun, more serious with people, life and their actions, people who work and earn to live, people who are exposed and are able to handle the stresses of this life...

What is maturity? can a young person excuse himself from being mature just because he is not old enough yet? it seems so in our modernized culture isn't it? being sheltered from disasters and harm, having more than we need, living in luxury with an appetite for entertainment of all forms..

perhaps because of the misunderstanding of what maturity really is, many finds it not cool, not fun, not happening. to them it's like asking them to stop playing and be serious. Is being serious and acting like a adult called maturity?

Looking back at my life before i accept Christ until now, i see a change and i believe the main thing about Maturity is Responsibility. A person becomes mature not when others label him as so but when he becomes responsible in his thoughts and his actions which includes his sensitivity for others. Without a need for others to check on him, he puts in his own effort to ensure he is responsible aand concerned about his personal relationship with God. He is concerned about how his actions will bring consequences which at times might harm to himself or others. He is concerned about what influence, thoughts, media he is exposed to so as to guard his mind from things that are not healthy and will bring about unhealthy desires. A person is mature when he rises above his self-centeredness and is concerned about others rather than only himself. A person is mature when he understands what is important in his life and what is not. In short, he realises he does not belong to himself alone, realises the world does not center around him, develop a seriousness in the important things in his life.

perhaps there's more to it, but i think being responsible covers the main points quite adequately. The lure towards "forget about it, never mind lah, don't worry so much" is always so attractive. once in a while i'd always hope to break free from my responsibilities and don't care.. but i realised this pattern of thought comes from our culture where it claims that true freedom is free from cares and responsibilities. Those who know the truth will know that's nonsense. you'll end up bringing urself more harm if you act irresponsibily. in such a state, there is no freedom! if you reflect on ur life the times u chose not to care, you will agree with me.

being responsible isn't about being a paranoid in everything you do. neither does it deny you from having fun. it is a way to prevent unnecessary harm, grief, despair to come to you.

As a leader i do hope that with the help of God, my members will grow to be mature. The need to help them understand responsibility is ever pressing in this period of time when they are still youths. it will decide if they end up being mature or immature in their minds and hearts...

*the above is a collection of personal thoughts and reflections from personal experiences. it doesn't mean it is proven right may contain misunderstoof concepts.. so all comments are welcomed =)

-=P3ng=- | 10:36 pm

Sunday, October 8
A break..

dun feel like blogging recently.. blog shall take a few days break... =)

-=P3ng=- | 9:37 pm

Friday, October 6
Life-Changing Conference

Ever wondered where is God's clear direction when you face a crossroad in life? Ever wished that you could know just what God wants you to do? Will He send me a clear signal? Will I get some kind of special feeling?

Our lives can be changed forever by one decision. Add to that the tension of wanting to please God --- of desiring to make the most of our lives for Him. No concerned Christian wants to choose something other than God's best..

So how can i know what God wants me to do? All these and more will be answered at the conference 7th oct(sat).. Only those specially invited can attend. Pls rem to show the usher the invitation sms when you arrive....

Be prepared... What you are gonna hear will change ur life..

-=P3ng=- | 7:06 pm

Tuesday, October 3
Master Your Emotions

here are some things i've learnt from Masterlife book on emotions.. very insightful, applicable too =)

"If it feels good, do it!" seems to be today's motto
This self-centered thinking claims that ur emotions are ur master
Emotions make good servants but bad masters.
Christ is to be ur Master, even of ur emotions.

Emotions aren't good or bad; you choose whether you use emotions to honour Christ or to harm urself or others.

Jesus didn't sin when He experienced emotions.

Often, a person can't control emotions cos they r narrowly focused on himself and are from his wordly nature. Spiritual Christians have strong emotions, but they learned to control their responses to emotions instead of letting emotions control their responses.

A spiritual christian relies on the Holy Spirit instead of the flesh.

The Holy Spirit can even influence you as you relate to ppl whom you do not particularly like or who do not like you.

The Holy Spirit can help you when you are tempted to give in to your emotions.
Your emotions cause you to act, but you can also act your way into an emotion

A - Acknowledge the emotion
C - Consider why you have it
T - Thank God that He will help you master it
I - Identify the biblical response
O - OBEY the Holy Spirit's leading
N - Nuture the appropriate fruit of the Spirit

i shall not go into detail.. each one is quite insightful.. so i'll leave u with the memory verse

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." (Galatians 5-22-23)

-=P3ng=- | 9:48 pm

Monday, October 2
Unseen Posts

lately much has been through my mind, many thoughts i felt strongly against and many i wanted to post. but due to their nature, it would cause unwanted and unnecessary attention.. I shall just leave you with a few verse from the bible.. May God's word be the light for my path and yours too.......

Job 31
1 "I made a covenant with my eyes
not to look lustfully at a girl.
2 For what is man's lot from God above,
his heritage from the Almighty on high?
3 Is it not ruin for the wicked,
disaster for those who do wrong?
4 Does he not see my ways
and count my every step?

Jeremiah 2
27 They say to wood, 'You are my father,'
and to stone, 'You gave me birth.'
They have turned their backs to me
and not their faces;
yet when they are in trouble, they say,
'Come and save us!'
28 Where then are the gods you made for yourselves?
Let them come if they can save you
when you are in trouble!
For you have as many gods
as you have towns, O Judah.

Jeremiah 10
3 For the customs of the peoples are worthless;
they cut a tree out of the forest,
and a craftsman shapes it with his chisel.
4 They adorn it with silver and gold;
they fasten it with hammer and nails
so it will not totter.
5 Like a scarecrow in a melon patch,
their idols cannot speak;
they must be carried
because they cannot walk.
Do not fear them;
they can do no harm
nor can they do any good."
6 No one is like you, O LORD;
you are great,
and your name is mighty in power.
7 Who should not revere you,
O King of the nations?
This is your due.
Among all the wise men of the nations
and in all their kingdoms,
there is no one like you.
8 They are all senseless and foolish;
they are taught by worthless wooden idols.
9 Hammered silver is brought from Tarshish
and gold from Uphaz.
What the craftsman and goldsmith have made
is then dressed in blue and purple—all made by skilled workers.
10 But the LORD is the true God;
he is the living God, the eternal King.
When he is angry, the earth trembles;
the nations cannot endure his wrath.
11 "Tell them this: 'These gods, who did not make the heavens and the earth, will perish from the earth and from under the heavens.' "
12 But God made the earth by his power;
he founded the world by his wisdom
and stretched out the heavens by his understanding.
13 When he thunders, the waters in the heavens roar;
he makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth.
He sends lightning with the rain
and brings out the wind from his storehouses.
14 Everyone is senseless and without knowledge;
every goldsmith is shamed by his idols.
His images are a fraud;
they have no breath in them.
15 They are worthless, the objects of mockery;
when their judgment comes, they will perish.
16 He who is the Portion of Jacob is not like these,
for he is the Maker of all things,
including Israel, the tribe of his inheritance—
the LORD Almighty is his name.

-=P3ng=- | 12:28 am