Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you. (1 Tim 4:16)

Sunday, July 30
How are you?

Hoping to start a new way of replying this question.. Answers like "fine" "i'm ok thank you" are simply conversation killers.. In fact, this question can be a good chance for us to check on ourselves, our walk with the Lord, struggles, anything on our minds..

So next time someone asks you this question.. try take sometime to reflect and reply in detail.. it's a good way for us to encourage one another and share our experiences with God!

From now on I shall refrain myself from answering this question with a passing remark without any thought =)

-=P3ng=- | 6:52 pm

Friday, July 28
Talking about God

ever since I've studied and taught on "how to share my faith without an argument" and personally seeing God's Spirit at work when a guy accepted Christ and prayed with me the sinners prayer when i shared to him on the streets (poor sentence structure, i know), I've been so awed and always trusting the Lord for sharing my faith. lately i kept praying for opportunities to talk about God in my usual conversations with my fellow instructors and by God's divine planning of events, He answered.

For the past week, i had 2 opportunities. one was in a group when they talked about religion, myths and stuff. i tried to explain to them my understanding of the truth, in a way not too pressuring and offensive to them. i only got chance to share about issues like difference in Catholism and Christianity, about the bible, what are its contents like, and i mentioned about how we can only be saved by God, not by our works. i didn't want to really tell them everything at that point, but instead place my inputs here and there, bit by bit. i'm now unsure if what i did was right. especially now i know those opportunities are hard to come by.. =(

the 2nd one was a one-to-one talk with another instructor, father of 2 (his wife gave birth to the 2nd child only last week). i was taking a lift from him as i had to go to tkgs for their drama nite.. on the way while in the car, by God's plan, he asked me if Christianity believes in ghosts, because the previous nite while we were havin training, he warned the trainees about urinating at trees or shine torches at them. one simply disregarded and he later found out that the trainee was a Christian. i helped him to understand that supernatural powers that do not come from God are from evil spirits. no ghosts of deceased people, just spirits of deception. then he jumped to another issue about how he is a bit annoyed by Christians because of his aunt not wanting to take the incense and pray to her ancestors when their family is doing so. he began to ask why must Christians only believe only in their God and not respect other gods. then he went on to tell me that he was once baptised (i nv expect that) and ask if he is considered a Christian. thanks to the understanding of circumcision and baptism from so many different bible studies, i could explain it in a simple way. then he revealed that he once went to city harvest before but was a super long time ago and he went to see girls. I managed to talk quite a bit, again trying to not to be offensive and yet accurate to the truth. I wonder too if i should have went on to talk about the good news of our Lord and His salvation for us (the gospel). but i didn't and i reached my destination already.

From this i know that God has been gracious and creating opportunities. but my question is, should i be one who waits till others ask about God and my faith then i tell them? or should i try to initiate the conversation about the God i love and from whom i receive eternal life? i guess the latter seems more correct, but in reality the first is a lot easier! God let me not be ashamed and afraid. You have shown me it is possible to talk about You to these people. Help me to find more opportunities to tell them of Your wonders, that I'm more forthcoming and always seeking ways to bring in the topic.

-=P3ng=- | 11:21 pm

When 2 lives overlaps...

When 2 lives become one, all hypocrisy will be revealed. The real test of who I am will either build my faith or simply shatter every ritual which i held on as a religion.

I began to sense my army life as an instructor and my bookout life which i spend mostly on serving God overlapping each other, influencing each other. There can be no separation. For if there is, then I'm what i feared most - a hypocrite. What matters is which life will emerge the domineering one? The life which eventually totally influences the other and I live a life that is the same in and out of camp.

Signs of my life as a servant of God influencing my army life: It is undeniable. Everyone who knows me knows I'm a Christian. My hope is that they know not because of my constant Quiet Time or prayerful life, nor because i thank the Lord for my food, but that they see God in me from the way i live my life, the things i choose not to do, the decisions i make, the words i refrain from using, - and i hope eventually - from what I tell them about God, of how I depend on Him, how I find comfort in Him, how I find guidance of being a instructor in Him...

Signs of my army life influencing my book-out life:
-I bring my work stress out of camp. The way I talk and lecture my trainees, i talk in the same manner with my fellow brothers-in-Christ. It was Minoru who pointed out to me that i was easily annoyed, irritated and change in my tone of voice.

-The work attitude is to draw clearly who do what, and if something is not done, it's the person's fault because it was his responsibility and i need not get the blame for it. Woe to me that I've unknowingly brought this attitude out.. and tried to serve God with this mentality! How then can I serve with love and out of love if I measure what i give out? If i acutally tell God this is not my responsibility, his salvation, Christian growth has nothing to do with me... woe to me indeed!
(thanks to the Lord I've learnt to live off my overflow, never worrying how much i give out for God will keep pouring into me. For He is indeed my source of strength and comfort)

-Can one truly not be influenced just as he wants to? I'm not sure. I hear vulgarity almost every hour. Dialect vulgarities. Am I allowed to blame on my subconscious for being so used to these words that I find myself using them too? Should i find my situation an exception to lower God's standards? NO!... no i can't..
(help me. if i do use words that are dishonourable to God then rebuke me.)

When the 2 lives overlaps, i can only find my true identity in the Lord. and i pray that I may be true and genuine, tested throughly and not ashamed of mentioning God in my daily conversation.

-=P3ng=- | 10:45 pm

Sungei Peng Siang!

I'm seriously not joking about it.. I did not went thru the trouble to use photoshop to edit the map (as if i ever have so much free time).. My friend was the first to ever notice it when we saw this super big map of singapore in an army office.

And ever since i checked the street directory.. and behold! I have MY OWN RIVER!! Now how cool is that! lol..

Best part is.. by God's divine planning, i actually got to see it and train beside it... Cos my current camp is near it, and when we go for outfield training, the training shed is beside the river! and that week every day i had to go there! until sianz haha.. the river nothing special of cos.. river mah.. what you wanna expect.. =p

-=P3ng=- | 3:35 pm

Saturday, July 22
do you enjoy the presence of God?

God's word is ever piercing. One question and i found myself in total humiliation and surrender back to the Lord, acknowledging I have strayed from the Lord..

How this question struck so hard simply reveals the condition of my heart, and my relationship with Jesus. Woe to me that I've lost that desire and love to yearn to be with God. God's presence has "lost its appeal" amidst the daily struggles and stresses i had to bear. Instead to coming back to God, I once again depended on my own strength to pull myself through. Instead of believing that God will equip me with time and ability to serve Him, i turned to my skills and talents that I've learn from the world. Instead of submitting my problems i face in army to God, i relied on my knowledge, past experiences, interpersonal skills to pull me through... and of course I've been faced with great distress, and problems. It's God way of breaking me so that I'll remember to stay close to God.

Without paying much attention to my relationship with God, serving God, praying, QT slowly becoming ends in themselves. They become religious and do not center my life back to Christ.. God in His sovereignty, gave me much responsibilities and things to do to throw me off my steering wheel to teach me to give back the steering back to God.. I've indeed been blessed with the grace of God that He cared so much for me despite my disregard for Him at times.

Coming back to the Lord, I just need to recall all His wonders, His great works in my life, and most importantly be silent before His greatness.

Juggling and handling life is not about how skillful I am or how experienced I am, but simply in total submission to the Lord, walking by faith...

Romans once gave me this advice: "But don't forget to recharge and refresh yourself by spending time with the Lord where you'll find strength and comfort needed."

What God taught me: I don't want you to live for Me out of your capacity. Serve Me out of your overflow. Focus on Me again and you won't have to worry about how to measure out what you give. I'll keep pouring into your life and you can live off the overflow.

So do i take God's presence for granted? Do i take for granted my relationship with Him that i de-emphasize its importance?

(Singing praises to God reminds me of God's glory and puts me back where i belong, at the feet of my great Lord)

Hal-le-lu-jah, hal-le-lu-jah, hal-le-lu-jah...
Praise the Lord, because He deserves our praise...

-=P3ng=- | 11:58 am

Friday, July 21
It's time to blog and update

How i wish i could have internet access from my army camp. so much experiences and thoughts throughout the week i wanted to jot down and keep, so much i could share... sadly, i'm being greatly challenged by my short-termed memory that if i didn't jot down my thoughts, they'll be forgotten. and blogging a previous thought isn't as good because it'll become a recounting of the incident...

Life recently has been rather stressed due to too many activities and responsibilities packed into a very limited time-frame for weekends, and very strained working relationship among instructors and our boss, and also worry over trainee's discipline and welfare.

Serving the Lord with joy and out of love is very hard to maintain especially if there's just too many things to do and slowly I'll become task-minded and began to serve with a burdened heart. Serving the Lord (teaching in cell group, Street E), studying God's word( Bethel Series, Romans Trail) all should be joyous activities. But i guess there's always a need to rest and reflect. Then, just before i thought i already had a lot to do, God gave me another responsibility when someone accept Christ while i was sharing to him during street evangelism last sunday. Follow-up.. me? how? I was rather worried.. then God comforts me (i'll blog my exp during street e on a different post) and taught me to live out of my overflow which God will continually pour into my life. that i should not seek to serve Him out of my capacity but in dependence of Him as He pours into my life.

Life in the army is getting as tough to live through as i continue to struggle to carry out my responsibilities as an instructor, being reasonable and yet strict, learning to discern lies from sincerity, learning to find ways to teach, motivate, and be a role model for them.. All these while I'm imperfect and tend to make mistakes and wrong judgment.. stress builds when i have instructors who decide not to work as hard anymore because of my unorganised and stubborn boss...then stress in unable to find common ground between different teachings and ways of executing the drills.

I usually find myself totally drained, stretched, mentally tired from all these daily worries. But perhaps this is what God has intented for me so that I'll turn back to Him.. God has been gracious.. God has been real.. His Presence ever assuring and peaceful.. My Lord, may my love for You never fade away..

-=P3ng=- | 10:25 pm

Sunday, July 9
CurL Photos (cont)

Yay, this is my group.. We all got medals for completing it.. cool eh? I didn't help out in doing the flag though... It's really great how God through this event got me to make a few friends.. I'm no longer that shy to make friends after all... =) these are really cool ppl!

They had a surprise for all June babies.. cool eh?

The Cake!! hah..

-=P3ng=- | 6:43 pm

Saturday, July 8
Photos of CurL!

Thanks to the committee of CurL 2006 for sending photos via email... though it's quite limited but it's always great to keep photos, esp those of a very cool event!



This was where all the briefing, the opening ceremony, the medal presentation, and also the place we hid while the sky poured down hard in the morning!

*you'll get really inspired when you see the WSC member using sign language as they translate the instructions and speeches for the hearing impaired. Amazing!





And we are off! Give thanks to God for holding the rain the moment we set off. A real miracle indeed!
(I was in group 4..)









The event was organised for the beneficiaries.. the disabled, the problem children, the hearing impaired...












We are off! What a sight.. Imagine, about 5 kayaks per group.. we had 8 groups! not including the instructors' kayaks... haha, so cool to have such a big group kayaking...











Our halfway point, rest point, lunch point, and photo taking point... it's so great to just walk around and making new friends.. haha, ok so most of them are a few years older than me.. most in NTU..

-=P3ng=- | 9:07 am

Friday, July 7
Hillsongs - Hallelujah

Saved by Your mercy
Found in Your grace
Totally surrendered to Your embrace
And there's nothing more than You

See Your perfection
I'm lost in Your peace
Your faithfulness sings over me
And Your love is the light of my soul

And I lift my eyes to You
Creator of the world
And I stand in awe of You
Of Your glory
And I live to worship You
Son of God, King of heaven

And the angels round Your throne
Cry out holy
To the One who is to come
Hear us sing hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

-=P3ng=- | 10:05 pm

Sunday, July 2
Tips on blogging

with the increase in ppl blogging, here some advice from this 2 year-old blogger. =)

this is what i feel when i read blogs.. just sharing..

1stly, if you stop blogging just because ppl stop visiting your blog, your blog won't last..

when u post, try to include more of your thoughts and feelings to make it interesting rather than account of what happen.. unless you wanna keep a daily account of what happened.

when you post, avoid lengthy and unorganised post.. for me when i see a long post, i will skim through.. haha, sorry, that's just my habit.. keep it to a certain topic/ idea.. if u have many thoughts, post it separately..

if you blog because u wan others to read, make it interesting by including your views on certain topics, your experiences, etc.. rather than the daily routine.. =)

most importantly.. dun stop bloggin just because your last post seems so long ago and you think there no pt updating it... like that u sure stop one.. haha!

That's all.. feel free to add onto the list.

Disclaimer: this is just my views.. if u dun agree... fine la!

-=P3ng=- | 12:25 am

I am No Better than These people..

Romans told me once, how he taught a student to say "I am no better than these people" to help him realise his self-righteousness, and stop judging others. I thought i would never have a problem of pride...wrong..!

I still rem what Pastor Thomas said.. We Asians dun usually boast ourselves.. so instead, we bring now others. we criticise others, mention their bad points, their horrid ways, their incapability to do things, their immaturity, lack of consideration, lack of graciousness, lack of patience, etc... And we usually gossip about it rather than talk with that person concerned.. Why? maybe it makes us feel better... I am not as bad as HIM... I'm still good because there are thousands of people far worse than me...

Today's lesson during Romans trail, we revisited this idea when Paul addresses the Jews who thinks they are spared from God's judgment, judging the Gentiles even though they too perform the same sins. If we know God, then we know He is a just God. And He will judge everyone without favourtism.

So if we all fallen short of God's glory, who am I, a mere man to pass judgment on others. This question actually hit me.. What if on the day of judgment, I get the reward as another person who might not have put in as much time and effort or wasn't as serious in his faith or started believing and went through a lot less as a Christian. Will I grumble?

The heart of the msg. Salvation is never about how good we are, but God's great mercy upon us. I too need to learn to say "I am no better than all these people around me." these people will include my boss who i think he is incapable, and unorganised, other church Christians, even how i look at people who struggle with issues that these issues are nothing to me. I must look with a heart of love where it leads me not to judge but to reach out in love and help them...

Lord, forgive me for my self-righteous thoughts.. help me to remember in Your eyes, we are all the same.. sinners who You had saved out of Your grace

-=P3ng=- | 12:08 am

Saturday, July 1
Rushing through the Day, is it worth the effort?

Instead of compromising, I thought maybe i should try my best to attend everything. I began to hate always being torn over deciding having to go 2 different places. always wanting to split myself into 2 or more, always pains me to forgo not going for smth.. But after thinking about it, i realised i'm actually not trusting God.. If i were to rephrase my feelings, it will be I'm angry with God why things must clash, why I who deserve to go for everything must forgo one, why must You be so unreasonable.. Isn't it so, it was sometimes we fail to see we are actually demanding from God and angry with why things are what they are.. I simply failed to see the sovereignity of God's plan that He was meant for me to be at certain places and be absent for some events, all for His bigger purpose...

today i didn't really seek God in making my decisions.. like always, meetings/ events cramp themselves into a day. Visiting Comfort Driving Center to renew my online accout by 9am. Romans Trail at 10am. Going to Jeanna's house at 1pm. Went swimming for almost an hour. bathe and went to church in time for 2nd part of Bethel Series. (4pm- 440pm) Went to tanah merah to meet my St John friends to go Mdm Teo (my CCA teacher) farewell gathering. Stayed till 8 plus then rush back to Jeanna's house again to join in the BBQ and celebrate the July babies of S&P.
I missed playing in the pool with the guys and some who joined when i left, missed song practice, missed the start of BBQ...

But above all, I missed God's plan for me. My visit to my teacher's house isn't what i expected it to be. as much as i wanted to thank her and stuff, i didn't get the chance, cos there were like almost 100 ppl, sec 1 to 4 plus seniors all the way to 8 batches before!! it's was a great gathering, but because i hadn't been going back, i am not as close to them anymore and i dun know any juniors.. then honestly speaking now, there was a point i really felt my time here isn't as fruitful as i would be at the BBQ where i can celebrate and fellowship with my church members.

that feeling arose (after much questioning of my heart) because i attended the farewell out of obligation, show my face, whatever u wanna call it. my heart wasn't really keen to go. then i ask why... i guess as much as i miss my squad mates, as much i miss st john, i guess it's me.. the change in attitude,just because the feeling of belonging isn't there i left.. How horrible i am!

rushing thru the day.. i left hurriedly... leaving an impression that i might not had intended.. am i really that busy, that i have no time for the Lost? or am i gettin comfortable that i lost all compassion for lost souls... May it NEVER be O Lord..

Forgive me O Lord. your servant has done wrong...

-=P3ng=- | 11:35 pm