The Reason I Live is Christ

Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you. (1 Tim 4:16)

Wednesday, May 31
The journey or the destination?

"If only i can finish all of these tasks..." "can't you see I'm busy? I have these things to do...!" "i'll relieve myself from stress when i get these things done" "too much things are piling up in my to-do-list, need to clear them" sounds familiar?

Maybe not for you, all of us ahve different working personalities after all... Mine so happens to be very task-minded if I'm not careful.. In the world, it will be termed as productive.... because the world looks at the things u can get done.. the more u can get done, the more value you are worth...

But for this type of thinking is totally dangerous... when you bring this thinking to serve God... (in fact you should have this thinking even in the real world..) simply because it is not by works but by grace we are saved by God... we do not earn God's favour by doing more things for God... a relationship with God isn't about being very capable, used by God to do a lot of things.. but simply a relationship based upon love, love that translate into actions... Doing Quiet Time without the desire to listen to God is merely reading texts. Preparing a lesson without the love for the people you are going to teach and guide is merely fulfilling a responsibility. Preaching the gospel without love for their souls is merely duty.

is life about a checklist, always trying to get things done? or is it more about how you do things? Next time you do something, ask yourself, are you doing it just to complete it, or are you doing it to fulfill what it is meant to fulfill? eg, doing QT to fellowship with God, listen to Him, be close to Him. Resisting a temptation, because of love for God, wanting to keep this relationship and not let sin separate you from God.

Does this mean the destination is not important? The final product is as important.. neglecting it will be totally irresponsible...esp when the task is given by God..

what about deadlines? deadlines are there to keep you from procrastinating and let you plan your time well.... not to make you rush through your work..

yea easier said than done.. i know.. but that doesn't give us an excuse to not put your heart and soul in whatever that you do!

-=P3ng=- | 9:37 pm

Sunday, May 28
The Reason I Live is Christ

Ok, I decided to dump quite a lot of things into a post.. So disorganised! so not me! haha must have been influenced by reading other people's blogs.. ahem*

As I think a new title for my blog, i keep finding my current one more interesting and apt. Hehe..think i won't be changing it anytime soon..

The Reason I Live is Christ can have 2 meanings combined as one.. 1) The Reason I can live now is because of Christ. because of what He did, i can have new life in the Lord. 2) The reason i still live is for Christ. or purpose if u want to be more strict with words. It reminds me of putting Christ in the center of my life. cool eh? nvm....

It's been an interesting week. filled with victories and defeats for me. struggles with the sinful nature was rather intense as I start learning to do God's will, renew my mind, and master my emotions. tearing down my old self and building up with new self found in Christ... i must learn to depend on God. for by my own strength i can't meet the requirements set by God.

Just watched a doc. of the last supper on CNA.. My, the masterpiece is really wonderful.. I didn't know it's actually not a snapshot in time but in it you can find many stories and ripples of the New Testament! Like Judas being the only face that is in shadow, right hand holding a money bag(Judas betrayed Jesus for money), Peter right hand holding a knife (him slicing one of the ears of the ppl going to arrest Jesus that night), Jesus being isolated in the center (shows that all the disciples will abandon Jesus when He is arrested), Thomas with his index finger(showing the scene when Jesus appeared to him after His resurrection and Thomas touching the nail marks on Jesus' hands.) Amazing eh? too bad it received lots of misintepretation by the book by Dan Brown.

Something I thought abt and came up with.
There was once i hear my officer said that if you are afraid of people judging you, people comparing you with other leaders, people disliking you, then don't be a leader!
When he said that, I was thinking in the world we live in, that is very true...
So i came up with this,
If you are afraid to be rejected by your friends because of the name of Jesus, then don't be a Christian!

Why countdown? Why look forward to something and waste the time thinking and missing the present? Every moment is worth living for. Be set free in the truth and live with joy in the world He has made. Praise the Lord!

-=P3ng=- | 8:46 pm

Thursday, May 25
A Need to Praise God

If God has done something wonderful in my life, who am I not to give credit and praise!

Earlier today, while moving quite a load of stores around, i was careless and unknowingly dropping my camp pass which was attached to my right breast pocket. I only come to realise it after lunch when we are about to go out of camp to someplace else.. Losing a camp pass is as seriously as losing your pink IC. police report, $50, and on top of that, extra duties...

While I lost it, my mind knew what to expect, yet the Holy Spirit kept trying to comfort me, and i was convinced that God will work it out. I was immediately reminded of those times where I committed serious mistakes like leaving a drill bomb behind, knocking into smth because i didn't reverse with a rear guide , etc.. But nevertheless, i was worried.

God provided by giving me a friend's friend's car to the chalet we were heading to, allowing me to miss the bus and to stay back to search. while searching i prayed, asking God to help, keeping my hopes high. But i gave up hope when the search was futile. and accepted the fate by asking about procedures on reporting the lost camp pass.. I thought maybe God really wanted me to do guard duty... however during this time i was reminded of the Israelites, how they didn't trust the Lord even though He continuously performed miracles before their eyes..

God's plan revealed when during the chalet, a call came in and the lost pass was found.. and the best part is I escaped again because of the mercies of God. i didn't receive the punishment i was meant to have.

I'm not sure if I can say "I'm not careless, I just tend to lose things." but seriously, how can one be so careful?!? i always ask this question whenever i lose smth.. because i hate the feeling when people see me as unable to look after my stuff, or stuff entrusted to me. can one always be careful? hmm.... is it responsible for me to say that, "I'm learning... but things aren't always up to me alone..?"

-=P3ng=- | 11:11 pm

Wednesday, May 24
Christ as Center of My Life

It's as simple as that. =)
For the past few months I had been using Masterlife for QT and learning quite abit about the Disciple's Cross, a simple illustration on a balanced Christian life...

The cross is drawn such that there is a circle in the center with Christ labelled in it showing a Christ-centered life. there are 4 arms of the cross, Prayer, Word forming the top and bottom arm respectively showing the vertical relationship with God, and Witness, Fellowship forming the left anf right arm of the cross respectively.
(*i can't go into detail cos very hard to summaries and explain without diagram)

What I've learnt is that word, prayer, fellowship, witness, service, all should be seen as resources to center my life in Christ. What it means is that it is not meant to be on its own.
Eg. Word is meant to help you understand more about God and what God want to say to you. If you only dwell in the knowledge but don't know God, it's meaningless. That's what happened to the Pharisees in Jesus' time.

Similarly, if fellowship doesn't center your life in Christ, then fellowship is just normal friendship which makes no difference with or without Christ. It'll only be about fun, companionship, feeling belonged. So the solution is not about worrying about being too comfortable, but really about remembering the purpose of fellowship which includes encouraging, accounting for one another, spurring one another towards good deeds. it's about using fellowship to center your life in Christ, so you grow in Christ and help others to do so.

That's also why the 4 arms of the cross is attached to the center circle with Christ written in it. How wonderful the Lord is. Everything about Him is consistent. =)

The verse that goes along with fellowship.
John 13:34-35
A new commandment i give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.

Yup, as children of God, we are overflowing with love that we pour out to people around us. Come to think of it, i really wonder if i would ever find it hard to love God's people.. *shrugs..

-=P3ng=- | 9:06 pm

Tuesday, May 23
Forecast of Events!

**the follow-up post to A growing Tumour will be posted soon.. Just After i post it, God helped me to understand a very simple answer that is something we already knew, and best part is it is inline with whatever God has taught us!

The weeks coming up are just insanely packed! How i wish it is these few weeks i clear my off days.. sigh.. A look at the things that all cramped together...

Starting from tomorrow!

24, 25, 26 May - TJC Titans! Every day 4pm-8plus? Hoping to go back tmr cos got halfday off, and on fri to see their 7km group run, log throw and log relay =)

27th May
1pm - 7.45pm
- Food Bash 3!! I'm a group leader..so must go.. Anyway, why wouldn't I, good food, good prog? Lol, mainly because it's God's work =) Pray for open hearts to hear the gospel!

7pm-Late night
OAC Senior Gathering. Long time didn't see my friends from OAC.. Hope they are doing fine..

9am-6pm (*can't go)
Kayaking (Participants will be kayaking 12km from main island to a nearby island with the Physically and Intectually Disabled - organised by WSC CURL ( Welfare Service Club, Challenge UR Limit)
It's a pre-session.. so oh well gotta miss it.. =(

3rd June
Cell group at Sentosa!!! Whoo!

3rd to 8th June
OAC June Camp.. Well not likely i'll go back.. esp when sunday they'll kakaying to pulau ubin and camping over there as part of the camp!

5th June
My new batch of trainees coming in... The main reason i can't take off or leave these few weeks... Course Starting... Haiz...

8th - 10th June
Anglican High St John June camp.. (*now u know what i mean about cramped together! Really wanna go back...)
9th June
St John CampFire.. also the start of leaders' retreat.. should i go? i wanna go!... how?
10th June
Handover Ceremony
Great... i don't even know any from this batch that is graduating! (got leader's retreat. not going)
10th June
9am t- 6pm
Kayaking Presession #2 (again i can't go!!! For God's work)

9th - 11th June
S&P Leaders' Retreat!!! A great time to relax and plan ahead for my cell group.. Really looking forward to it!

25th June
Kayaking Expedition!! The actual day! Wanted to go.. perhaps there's opportunity to witness. don't know.. but that's why I signed up for it...

1st July (sat)
St John Teacher Mdm Teo stepping down.. having a dinner together... gees.. gonna clash with cell group... how?! =(

SO MUCH choices i have to make.. sometimes i really wish i can split myself.. But i know I'm living my life for God now, and I know He will put me where He wants me to be =

-=P3ng=- | 10:12 pm

Sunday, May 21
A growing Tumour

A growing worry indeed... Romans mentioned to me once, but that was quite some time ago... Is it something to be watchful of? or am I just thinking too much on something insignificant or imaginary?

Growing spiritually in Salt and Pepper(the youth group in my church), has been one of the great joys in my Christian life. From there, i find people of like-mindedness, all seeking to love God, to do His will. Our fellowship together , being divinely arranged by God, helped us to grow in deeper understanding of God's love by learning from each other and holding one another accountable. Our group, filled with mainly young and active people, always having fun when we are together. It is undeniable that God used this group of young people to do His will by all the events we planned, the people's lives we touched. Aside from all these, like any friendship, ours grows deeper as we do things together and spend so much time with each other...

But here comes a problem I'm constantly pushing to a corner of my mind: Are we getting too comfortable with each other...? Do we enjoy each other's company so much that it affects our relationship with God? (lol it's kinda weird. how can being in a cell group ever lead you away from God, but like i said, i'm not sure if it's smth to worry about) Will it come one day that we hold this fellowship so dear, we rather cling on to it even though God's will for us is to part and go elsewhere? Will we ever turn to God and demand to be placed back in this fellowship?

Being too comfortable leads to a few things that might not be spiritually healthy. We become comfortable and would rather spend time with each other rather than spending time with our non-Christian friends. hence neglecting the call to witness. Romans mentioned that the reason for changing cell group each year is to help us not be too comfortable with one another, so that we don't stop growing in the Lord. will this(stop growing in the Lord) ever come to be?

Personally, even though i'm only been in the group for 2 and a half years and still can't click as well with all the "pioneers" of the group, there were signs showing my reluctance to leave the group should it ever come to be. First was when Romans tell me, unless you become a leader, if not you go to another cell group after u come out of army, because the teachings won't be as relevant, and u can't grow as much. I felt reluctance. The recent india trip proved much more as I longed more of the fellowship rather than being back in church to worship God. Last year, simply missing out a few days of LOST camp, and missing out the Retreat already sank my heart. i had to remind myself God has other purpose for me elsewhere. Are these signs of what i worry? or are these signs of me worrying too much?

I have so far been watchful of myself. trying my best not be left out of my class/CCA outings or gatherings unless i have a special duty or I'm teaching or got evangelistic events. i've learnt (through God's help) in submitting to His calling even in my daily decisions. I pray this 'tumour' might just be a by-product but should ever one day God calls us to go somewhere else, we will willingly go, out of love for the God who has our interest at heart.

Self-check Question:
Ask yourself honestly, if one day God ask you to go to another church because He has other purpose for you there, or even another country, will you go with little reluctance to leave this group?

*this is from my perspective... maybe i got it wrong.. some part of me hope i did...

-=P3ng=- | 7:32 pm

The need for constant Renewing of the Mind

"It's for God's glory not mine. It's a lesson God gave to teach His people. It's God who gave me the idea. I'm not doing this to look good. I am only a vessel." These are the prayers and reminders i have been constantly praying almost everytime I think of the lesson I'm teaching.

I was scheduled to teach for Sunday Sch Leviticus lesson 5, on the priest role in the offering. Because I skipped a few lessons when i was in india, and also being my 1st time teaching sun sch, i spent almost the whole week preparing. After Romans introduce that lessons can be taught creatively, done in a way that is interesting, i've been trying to think out of the box everytime. And everytime, God is the one who "inject" the cool ideas into me. last wednesday while on the bus home, God gave me an idea for the lesson. But from there the need for renewing starts. I kept having thoughts about wanting to do the lesson well for recognition, wanting to do it well for pride, and many other things.For a few moments i claimed the idea to be mine. I have to keep praying whenever I have these thoughts to keep myself focused on God. I know i wanna do this well for the love for God as well as my fellow brothers and sisters so that they learn the word of God. but i know if i do it with the wrong reason, God will take it away. Such a simple thing, yet i had to constantly be watchful of my thoughts.

God blessed us so that we can be a blessing to others. But that only when we are obedient and remain in Christ. As children of God, whether a leader, a pastor, or a young Christian, we are all constantly affected by our sinful nature. We sometimes don't do the things we want. God tells us to constantly renew our mind and not let it conform to the world. We should constantly set our minds on the things above, have the mind of Christ, break the stronghold of the evil one. That's the victorious life that Christ has promised to aid us. And it's a everyday sanctification!

-=P3ng=- | 7:14 pm

Tuesday, May 16
Covering Up One's Mistakes

This has been an issue I've been rather troubled about.. I shall present to you my dilemma and hear your opinions before i share my own views on it...

The Grey Area

When i talk about covering up mistakes, it more towards situations where u commit a mistake, but u keep silent, by doing so nobody is affected, no damage is done, at the same time nobody knows about it.(you made a fool of yourself. but nobody knows if you dun tell them)
not so much on situations whereby your mistake if kept quiet is morally wrong, affects/ causes damage to another party. (eg landing another person in deep trouble and keeping quiet when it's your fault)

What the world teaches: Covering up one's mistakes is keeping one's image, making one look good before others, not let others "grade" you lower, or let others think lesser of you... This is extremely important when you are a leader. You should try your best to cover up so that you can keep a good image, be a role model, not let those under you think any lesser of you.

What God wants: complete honesty with God, accepting who you really are.

But if the situation doesn't cause damage to others? is there a need to declare you blundered?

-=P3ng=- | 7:44 pm

my 1st day...

lolz, the title sounds like a pri sch kid writing about his 1st day in sch... =p 1st days are always interesting, always filled with surprises, anticipations, and the feeling of hoping things are better than what we expect...

Today is simply shocking.. I just can't contain my amazement! for a start, the camp is surrounded by HDBs, a pri sch and Naval Base Sec Sch... how amazing this is, is while taking a look around the camp, i actually heard a sch bell ring signalling the end of a period!!! how about that for an army camp!! next, the mrt is like 5 mins walk away! and i got a direct bus home!! words can't express my gratefulness to God... it gave a sense low security, when even football club can come into the camp to use the soccer field! i mean, wow, with all the artillery guns and stuff around... such extreme opposite compared to my armour camp, where everything is so secretive and being kept at one extreme corner of sg!

apart from my uncontainable amazement, today also forcasted what to expect for my last 5months of NS.. life is no different, in fact more taxing as we rush to set up a new department, with so many things yet to settle.. oh well.. it's not gonna dampen my joy over the location of my new camp.. hehe

-=P3ng=- | 7:29 pm

Monday, May 15
I'm changing camp!!!

Whoo! (ok i must post like this more often =p )
I'm changing camp.. after having to travel across the whole island (from pasir ris to lim chu kang... the entire length of singapore!) for almost a year, finally due to the events that God has divinely put in place, I'm changing to kathib camp! It's now only HALFWAY across the island.. U may think that sounded sarcastic, but no, I'm really HAPPY! whoo! finally i can have the choice to go home every night without worrying it'll take forever to reach home!

Ok enough of the rejoicing.. Today had been totally new.. 3 of us are interviewed by OC and CO (our bosses) this morning.. The feeling is refreshing, with all the bosses saying their farewell and best wishes (a formality).. And actually finished our clearance form, the ORD mood seems so near! (the only miss is acutally getting our pink IC back)

It's been quite a journey, though i know it's nothing compared to the Regulars (army as a career ppl), 3 of us struggled through trying to fit ourselves into the culture, trying to be what an Instructor is suppose to be. Now we are going over to a new camp. Though job scope hasn't change, it feels quite refreshing and quite cool to see something new yet again.. Though i seem to be the only one of the 3 that feels this way.. oh well.. =) going to sleep... in my bed! (gees, i sleep in my camp's bed more than my home one for the past year...!)

-=P3ng=- | 10:11 pm

Sunday, May 14
The Lord gives, The Lord Takes Away

To be content isn't something desirable these days huh? Last night while I was teaching on Money, Tithing and offering, i talked about being content with what God has given you... But when we seriously ask ourselves, how many times we are content with what we have? Tendency is that we will want more. The world teaches us to always pursue wealth, riches, all whatever you want, your dreams etc... In the heat of running the rat race, we slowly forget... we slowly believe that our success is totally up to us, our skills are what we are born with and honed through experience... we are better off with more money, better house, cars, nice clothings, good food...

Is that what life is about? A simple question of does it have eternal value.. Even as children of God, we easily forget...

What if one day God decides to take away the things you didn't thank God for...?
What will you have left?

Thanksgiving help us to be appreciative.. Help us to focus on what is truly important.. Somehow humans tend to only cherish things when they lose it... Lord may that never be for us!

When I was teaching, i realise that there's a lot of things we are being taught by the world which we didn't question, then we believe in it over understanding who God really is.

When we say God owns everything, He owns our $ too.. We are only stewards... managers of the Lord's possession. When we say God is in control, we mean He controls our success, our promotion... When we say God will provide, it doesn't mean God needs a prosperous economy to provide for his ppl.. When we say God created us, our job skills are also given by God.. that includes the ability to study! When we say God created rest for our physical spiritual mental health, it means that God has the ability to make 6 days of work more productive than 7 days...

How much do you know about God, how much do you trust God, more importantly, how much do you believe that what God gave you (your monetary income) is enough for you?

A shame that the world chases over something that will come to fade away... =(

-=P3ng=- | 7:09 pm

Sunday, May 7
Think less, Experience more

i'm terribly sorry if lately all my posts bear that serious and low tone... It becomes troubling to worry too much so how. Always trying to improve, always trying to do things right, squeezing every minute and make it productive.. all seemingly trying to work against my lazy nature and trying to discipline myself...

Life with God isn't that dull.. what i focus on affects my outlook.. While others may worry about being too optimistic, too complacent with their faith, expecting to be always happy and rejoicing, I seem to myself on the other extreme.. being over worried, being too caught up in making sure I will bear the cross, focusing that I WILL keep facing persecution.. etc.. I forgot about what it means to live with joy in the world God has made. Surely this journey isn't meant to be all dull, discipline, hardship.. The joy of fellowshipping with the Lord and with His believers has always been with me. Just that I don't pay much attention to it..

I'll make special effort to mix my posts very cool and fun stuff rather than all serious thoughts.. which somehow i kept posting recently.. =)

DO pray for Ben who is going to Brunei for 3 weeks.. Going overseas is bad enough, going overseas for training WITH the army is simply horrible.. Pray that he will always find comfort and hope in the Lord. May the he be drawed closer to the Lord through this trip, that he will not forget about the Lord in such tough and tiring period.. Officer cadet training leh.. not easy..

-=P3ng=- | 4:16 pm

Friday, May 5
Failed Leadership

Some posts are for others to read, some are for personal ref and would rather if no comments are given. this happen to be one of those..so pls refrain from commenting..

I'm currently at my 3rd cycle of trainee/ instructor cycles that I've been through in my life. 1st time was sec sch being trained to go for 1st aid competition, and also being under the sec 4 NCOs. during sec 4, i had my 1st taste of what leadership is about and already struggled with issues like standard, discipline, and welfare. moving on to JC, i became a trainee again as i joined OAC, and i was exposed to similiar regimentation, discipline and physical training as punishments. then i had a 2nd chance of leading when i took over... This time I was really put way out of my comfort zone, having to plan/ conduct school events with my 6 other OAC friends. Enlisting into the army, I was once again made a trainee, going through various courses..and same regimentation and discipline.. And now, as God has planned it, I'm an instructor again.. and my 1st batch of trainees just completed their course and passed out.

but it always haunts me.. whenever i look at the standards of the trainees that took over me each time (be it St John, OAC, or now in Army), i am not proud of anyone of them.. as a group, the trainees i get always seem to be the worst batch in Anglican St John history, TJC OAC history, etc! yes training is meant to prepare them, but the std they show at the end of training is so bad, it always worries me and wonder if they really can take over. Is it a concidence? that everywhere i go, whenever i performed the role of an instructor, my seniors always tell my fellow instructors and me that our trainees cannot-make-it... is it me? everytime i look back at how i behave, how i contributed to the trainings, i always will find faults in me and that I could have done better... I've learnt a lot, from experiences of failure, from looking at my instructors when i was a trainee, until a point i tell myself, now given a chance again, I cannot fail again. yet, now my trainees have passed out, there's this mark that they are so far from..

is it me? that I'm not capable? that my character still isn't suited for the job? In the light of all these, how then am I to find confidence in leading a cell group? God's ministry leh..
Perhaps, it's just what every Instructor will feel. That their trainees will never be good enough to the instructor. maybe.. With my limited experiences in leadership, i know one thing is clear.. that is to set what U hope the ppl under you to achieve, and focus on it...

One thing for sure, Leadership cannot be just filling up that position and maintian the system. that's why leaders make a difference.
No worries about my thoughts on leading my cell group.. As i continue to find my balance and style, God has been equipping me for the job. I'm more ready than I know. and things that has happened can testify for themselves. to think I'm teaching the word of God, when just 5 years ago, I'm telling Christians to mind their own business!

-=P3ng=- | 5:12 pm