The Reason I Live is Christ

Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you. (1 Tim 4:16)

Tuesday, January 31
Screen Sucking and Doomdart

Screen Sucking: Wasting time online long after what you have finished what you signed on to do.

Frazzing: Frantic, ineffective multitasking, typically with the delusion that you are getting a lot done. The quality of the work, however, is poor.

Doomdart: The internal distraction of a forgotten task that pops into your mind when you are doing something else. A side effect of frazzling.

These are a few new buzzworsd relating to the psychology of multitasking from the article I read in last week's Time magazine... Lol, i think that for most of us there's no prob in relating to these scenarios.

Screen Sucking: How many times have u found urself fiddling around your desktop, opening up folders, look at old videos, check ur email, wasting time away and sometimes not even doing what u intended to! haha, so stop sucking!

Doomdart. I don't think it's jus poor short-termed memory. Sometimes something pass through ur mind then before u know it, you try to remember what it is! Usually happens because you didn't pay attention to it, and you were distracted with a lot of other stuff... gees, it is also irritating if u get it too often! I'm one of those poor victims! =s

-=P3ng=- | 7:56 pm

Monday, January 30
Gong Xi Gong Xi Fa Da Cai?

I realised it isn't just me who feels that CNY has lost its 'happiness', that longing and looking forward to it feeling, that fun-filled atmosphere, all seemed to have fade away...
Every year Chinese New Year is the same. Is it just me who has somehow grow out of it? Is it the theme and obsession with being prosperous, becoming rich, gambling, that makes it so uneasy for a heart that has found true treasure in the Lord who owns everything? Or is it just me who can't be bothered to make an effort to change my mindset and make it more fun for myself?

The 1st day for the lunar new year isn't as pleasant as it should have been. I already dismissed the thought of going to church to attend service because i assumed it will mess up my family's timetable for the 1st day of the lunar new year which is fixed every year. Of course we end up setting off late as usual and my bro and i coud have attended service. Visit to my godma's house is cool. Meeting them is always a joy. But after that we went to my grandma's place and we got stuck there until just before midnight! 12 hours! from watching boring tv shows to simply lazing around, and my cousins aren't those that will chat non-stop.. not to mention no internet comp, and i didn't plan anything else with my friends.. boring day! it felt so wasted... COme to think of it, if it's a normal weekend, i should be back in camp by now!

and the worst is throughout the day i'm simply on my own. i didn't bother to even take much notice of God. I was so engrossed with how "terrible" my state was that i failed to remember God's plan in me being there. I could have chatted with my cousins a bit more. I could have talked to my aunts and uncles a lot more. Rather than looking so bored and giving the "i shouldn't be here" look.

Forgive me O Lord...

-=P3ng=- | 12:56 am

Friday, January 27
The Moulding of a Leader

One of the issues that stands out more is how God has been moulding me to be a leader. The challenges are great and starting out on a wrong foot can lead too much regret.

God started this plan in moulding me ever since when I was in St John. The leadership character in me started out quite shaky as I lacked confidence. I was given some opportunities like games in charge and stuff. But looking back, i tell myself I want to be a better leader. I regretted some of the stupid things I have done. And thought i should be better next time.

Next came being an instructor in Outdoor Activities Club. That's where I've learnt much, being with lots of great people and characters and also great teachers with rich experiences and advices. But it's also where I stumbled the most. I failed in many occasions. Failed in term of my own expectations i guess. It just seems like everytime i look back at OAC, i only liked my friends and the fun activities, but not the structure and it's image-conscious ideology.

Then came the army where I met truly respectable leaders, inspiring and all. It's also where I learnt to better handle stress and pressure by superior. Learnt how to balance getting the job done and protecting the welfare of the people under me. Then, passing out to become an instructor, i was given much opportunities to practise my presentation skills when i conduct lessons.

Just last tue, God placed me in a position to choose between what is right and what is convenient. The trainees were climbing over my head, lacking discipline and all. God gave me my position as a sergeant and it's only right to honour Him by doing what I'm suppose to do. I just prayed to God that in my anger I would not sin against God before going down to scold and punish my trainees.God reminded me not to do it because of pressure nor for other instructors to see that I'm not too soft, that it's not man's but God's opinion that matters.

Next came my first time I taught in cell group. Given the limited time to prepare, new members coming in, my 1st time, i was used to more complex discussions in the older cell group, I simply prayed what I desired. That God will use me to teach what He want and that the cell group will understand. However, part of my heart so yearns to do it good so much that other hidden agendas start coming in. I want to do it well to receive praise, to show I'm capable, to prove to myself I've come a long way since i was in JC. I thank God He broke that part of me when I didn't do it as well as i expect. Of course that's my own expectation, not God's. But that's where God taught me from there. He showed me how important it is to keep my intentions in check and to serve God without a hidden agenda! May God always reveal it if I ever have one!

Presentation Tip to myself: Speak Slower, Clear, Concise!

-=P3ng=- | 9:13 pm

Saturday, January 14
~AHSJAB 4ever~

It's been a great day off from my life to go back to Anglican High today to help out with St John's Mock Competition... Truly, i begin to appreciate this chance of finally being available to go back and help out... I haven't seen some of my friends in SJ for ages! Being able to see SJ footdrill, 1st aid cases, and even be a judge for the transportation of casualty really reminded me of my 4 years in SJ and really gives this familiar feeling and being back in the family.

My already busy 'life' in the army took away a huge part of my time, leaving me with the weekends which i spend most of it serving God. There will be occasional gatherings but even some i can't attend. In most cases, I really wish i could split myself up! But God already taught me to learn to make a choice and be willing to give up. Smth I've learnt along the way. Can't have everything you know. I'm just really thankful that God gave me this chance to go back today.. It's been a great time =)

-=P3ng=- | 10:08 pm

Thursday, January 12
The Movement Of Time

The mysteries of Time has always puzzled me
Each time i think about it
It never fails to get me pondering

What is Time?
Is it a method of measurement created by Man?
So that we know how long has passed.
Or is there more to it?
The scientific theories are endless
How time will differ with speed and space
Is time a dimension?
Is it something also created by God?

It's amazing how time moves
Second by second it never fails to keep going
Scary isn't it?
That each second gone means gone forever
For there's no way to turn back time
Time flies by when we are having fun
It drags on forever whenever we dread what we are doing

When I think about,
It's very scary to find myself 2 decades old
Somehow time seem to be speeding through my life
My enlistment last year almost seemed like a blink of an eye away
Yet when I think through all the events that took place last year
It seemed like a lifetime away
Just like how it seemed to be only yesterday I accepted Christ
Yet my journey with Christ seemed like another lifetime by itself

Just how this year will come to pass
None except God will know
How will I hope to feel when I look back at this year?
Will it be well-lived?
How you measure it and what eventually will matter
Is at the end of the year when I present myself before God
I can come before God with joy saying
This is me and what I've done
Thank you Lord for being with me
May You find it pleasing and acceptable

-=P3ng=- | 7:28 pm

Wednesday, January 11
Meditation on Suffering

http://www.blc.org.sg/sermons/A%20Meditation%20on%20Suffering.ram

I've always enjoyed Rev Thomas' sermons because of the way he puts it across that is so relevant to us. This sermon was during a service last year jan.. The sunday after i get enlisted. I happened to stumble upon it while looking through my church website. The sermon is 1 hr long.. but when u listen to it, u won't feel that long.. In fact, for me i wanted to pause it so i can take notes! hehe, just listen to it and you'll know.. =) make sure you got real player though..

-=P3ng=- | 10:03 pm

A simple case of Food contamination, A closer experience with God

Just yesterday, I committed a mistake.. Not washing my hand after playing with Becky's dog before eating my lunch... My stomach started feeling uneasy from 3pm plus while we started playing cluedo.. It was quite horrible having to bear with it while cycling home in the drizzling rain and puddles of water splashing everywhere when the wheels go over them... Then reaching home, the pain got worse until I'm being advised to go see a doctor. Then on, the pan grew steady painful, and the throwing up of my dinner made me totally giddy and sick.

The situation drew me closer to God as I constantly prayed for relief. But the pain was still ever striking. Wrong thoughts came to my mind like God is punishing me, God cannot hear me. But this time, I told myself I will trust in God that He knows and He'll remove this pain in His time. After seeing the doc and being given a jab to ease the muscle cramp, my mind was much clearer and I realised how difficult it was to remember a few simple truths. About God is in total control and He allows things to happen in accordance of the fufilment of His will. and about God always hears. Instead of doubting, I should have trusted.. Esp when I had similar experiences before and God has always been there for me. Praise be to the Lord who loves us!

-=P3ng=- | 11:19 am

Sunday, January 8
Stepping into 2006

God is so wonderful to me. It has only been 1 week into the new year and things are already changing in ways i wouldn't have thought possible...

1) My brother has accepted Christ. It's been my honour and joy to pray with him the sinner's prayer. My 1st time seeing a person convert too =) Praise God!

2) I'm starting out this year as a cell group leader. And responsiblities are beginning to pile up as I'm now required to help out in sunday school for the upper sec. In order to teach, I make it upon myself that I must be totally understand what I'm going to teach so that it will be according to what God meant it to be. That will take up time. Then, there's also the March CGEO (cell group evangalistic outreach) which we are going to plan. On top of that, I still got bible studies which i want to do personally. There's also the final theory test for driving, which i will have to find time to learn the practicals, not forgetting other committments and outings!

Busy, yes... But from being busy, I'm blessed because it is for the Lord =)

-=P3ng=- | 5:39 pm

Monday, January 2
Reflection 2005

1st year in NS, 2nd year in Christ

Distractions / Problems
What are the things that are coming in between my relationship with God?
- Focus on sufferings, unable to see beyond the current circumstance
- Comfort in happiness and God's blessings, not wanting to move on with God's plan
- Shun from too much attention, do not wish to 'go against the tide' too much (inviting persecution)
- Tend to reply on own strength to achieve, forget about God
- Relationship desires
- Not consistent in sharing God's word and praying for non-believer's salvation

Personal Strength
- Good listener
- Focused, very task-minded
- Good advisor

Weaknesses
- Short term memory
- Not confident in the Lord, and in the abilities and knowledge He has given me
- Poor decision maker
- Unable to make myself realize my weaknesses, lack of ability and inexperience in some areas are part of how God made me and in no way it makes me inferior to others.

Reflection

Last year had indeed been very event-packed and a rollercoaster experience for me. Looking back, it's really amazing to find everything happened for me to know more about God. That's how incredible God is! From learning to keep focus, to struggling to hold on to Him, God had been so real to me. There's just no way to express my gratefulness for God. Things that I couldn't understand during the situation, I now can comprehend why God did what He did. And I'm thankful that He was with me through everything, even when I was drifting away, when I questioned Him, when I hated His will.

I saw the constant message that God had been teaching me throughout my tough times in BMT and SISPEC phase and that is God was in control and He was with me. I realized that most of the struggles was not because I failed to obey God but that I failed to remember who God is. I struggled because I chose not to accept the tough times from God and that I kept grumbling about them. Beside that God taught me humility, to remember that I alone can do nothing. And in all things I should give thanks and credit to God for what He has done. Fever, Heat Rash, Injured Knee. God humbled me and remove all pride and confidence I have in the physical body.

I was too concerned about my sufferings that I failed to see God's purpose being carried out in my life. Now looking back, I see how God used me. I see myself
-finding time to talk to my bunk mates
-making use of waiting time to discuss about religion
-explaining to people about Christianity
-being a witness for God to my friend who accompanied me to the medical centre when I was totally down with fever. He saw how I hang on to God for comfort
-another friend saw how I cried but still hang on to God's direction when I was going for the 32km because of God and that sudden change of decision generated much unwanted attention and scolding
-praying for my friends for their salvation and my friends praying for me when I was depressed because I couldn't complete my 16km in BMT. My friend took out his bible and just talked to me how God is always with us all
-the small gathering every morn in SISPEC brought a few of my friends to remember God as we prayed and shared.

Everyone in every bunk I went to knows I'm a follower of God. God had been using me. He had been reaching to people through my every attempt to tell them more about God. I never thought much about all these events but these are all part of God's plan and He will send others to continue to bring them to Him.

I'm testifying not to say how fruitful I am. No, in fact I'm ashamed of the many times I failed to remember God and obey Him to witness. But that God still used me even though I am unworthy. I'm testifying to let everyone know how great God really is!

One thing I've learnt is the foundation of the Christian life. I struggled with accepting God's plan, finding joy in sufferings, loving God's blessings more than God, struggles with sin and human desires, getting myself to pray and witness to non-believers. The foundation of the whole Christian life is the love for God. Because of the love, there'll be a desire for the close relationship with God. From there, because I love God, I'll want to pray, I'll want to read His word, I'll want to witness and serve Him. Because of His love, I can share this love with other Christians in fellowship. However, if this foundation shifts out of place, everything built on it will collapse and Christianity becomes a religion. God taught me to answer questions to my heart honestly. What is my real intent? Am I really doing this for God? Because of this, I realised just how ugly I really am and found myself more unworthy of God's grace.

I'm very thankful that despite my inconsistency in witnessing and praying for my family, it didn't stop God from showing grace and mercy to my family when He slowly revealed Himself to my brother Aik Siang and now through His will, my bro is in my cell group! I'm not sure if he has accepted Christ in his heart but I will not cease to thank God for this mercy and pray that one day in His time my brother will see the preciousness of God the way I do. And by His grace, my parents attended the RTTP in July, allowing them to know Romans and others in S&P. And then before the year ends, God brought my parents to attend the Christmas service. The desire for my family to be saved is somewhat fading for me, partly because I was convinced in a lie that it is impossible. I realized it was simply my laziness to put in the extra effort. Continue to pray for my family with me that by this year I'll share the gospel to my parents, even if I have to learn the whole gospel and able to reason it in Chinese.

The New Year carries a lot of uncertainty. Because year after year I'm amazed at how unpredictable God's plans are. Now being called to take the position of a leader in the cell group, I wondered if I'm really ready for it. But God continued to remind me that I am but a tool created to be used Him. It's not how good I can be as a leader or how much I've learnt. Instead, it's how much I desire for Him that I want to serve Him because He who called me will provide me with the necessary abilities required. And after what I've been through last year, I know He will be there for me.

Things I want to focus on

- my future course in university and possible career options
- witnessing to my family
- my love for God as the foundation of whole Christian walk

Servant of God
Peng

-=P3ng=- | 5:53 pm

Sunday, January 1
Reflection 2005

Not going to post just yet... Wanna take time to really reflect on the past year... With so much happening in my life, so much God is doing in my life.. So much needing my attention.. best is to prioritise.. and really see what is important to me.. yup.. so just wait a while =) i'll post my 2005 reflection once i get it sorted out..

-=P3ng=- | 10:07 pm