The Reason I Live is Christ

Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you. (1 Tim 4:16)

Sunday, November 27
End of LOST camp

Camp starts, Time flies, and Camp ends. Loved e camp. Love it so much that there was much dread on e last nite, giving heavy sighs saying well, this is it. That's all. Really wished it could last much longer. Spending time there helping out was really fun and meaningful and God has provided me with opportunities to share His gospel. Another reason is becos it made me forget about army. Life is so cool there. Even though there were stuff to do, prepare and help out, even though i'm asked to help out in logistics that will be termed as 'Sai Kang' in the army, I don't dread them at all, I'm more than willing to help in fact. So strange. Beside the main objective which was to share e gospel and build rapport, having fun was part of e package. But somehow it now brings more dread than fun now that it's over =( No, it's wrong to think of it this way. Using the camp as a escape from work. Neither should I be fun-centered. Shouldn't I accept both good and bad things from God when what is good and bad is not determined by me but by Him who knows what's best for me. Why do I still find myself struggling to take on each day with joy and confidence that the Lord is paving the way for me. Why do I still dread what is to come?

-=P3ng=- | 8:17 pm

Who Am I?

Who am I really? I can't really tell now. Stuck between who i am and who i want to me and who others wan me to be, I've lost the real me. Or is there one in e 1st place?

What's e real me like? The one who really desires after God, and really wants to be like Christ. Or am I the one who is created by those who look at me. Where the actions I do is because they are what those around me hope to see in me. Or am I the one who always listen to my own heart and following my gut. Doing the things i really wanted to do. I found myself in major war and conflict within the 3 areas, trying to find where the real me is now. Because the recent decisions i make dun reflect that I truly desires after God or that it is based on and for the glory of God. If I am not who I think I am, or who I hope to be, who am I really? A mere hypocrite?

Such is the severity of man. We can't even be who we want as much as we try. We can't even do the things we believe in as much as we try. No wonder we needed grace!

-=P3ng=- | 7:25 pm

St John Farewell 2005

25 Nov 05
MRT ride back to LOST camp after SJ farewell

It's really interesting how God has allowed and then led me to attend this year's SJ farewell. the graduating batch so happens to be the sec 1 batch when i was sec 4. and that's 3 years back. This is the youngest batch i know and recognise.. all the batches after them are as good as strangers to me =s So if i ever going back to SJ, it'll be to meet my old sq frenz... no longer having anything to do with the ppl in e division.

Life really goes on. A batch leaves for JC or Poly, a batch prepares to plan to lead the current division, a batch prepares for NCO course tmr and for me, I'm going back to Lost camp. Life sure has complicated compared to then. School, NS, serving God, I thank GOd He's constantly building up my character. Along w the experiences comes maturity and wisdom. But sometimes I tend to wish I was back in the past, where life was just SJ and sch. Where life seemed to shielded from the harsh realities of life.

Tonight I shared to them abt 2 things. Future commitments for the sq 4, and embracing the present for sq 2 &3. Maybe it's just how God made me to be more appreciative and thankful because God showed me how fragile life really can be. I guess I should apply those things to myself too. Am I always hoping to relive the past and become so afraid and reluctant to move on in life? And am I really living out the present? I find myself becoming afraid to lose the fun and joy I've experienced as a youth, esp in my church's youth ministry. Why am I so afraid of growing up? And I not equipped, prepared, ready to venture into adulthood? No, God has trained me more than enough. It's just that adulthood doesn't seem that appealing, having that huge amt of responsibility, losing contact of your old friends, can't do immature things anymore. The world places a lot of emphasis on pride, face and image.

Gee, I really wonder. Maybe time is going faster than I'm growing. I even look much younger than my age. =p

-=P3ng=- | 6:51 pm

Wednesday, November 23
LOST CAMP

much as happened over e past few days and somehow i find myself too busy to blog.. LOST camp is tmr and I really thank God becos of what had happened and how He made it possible, rising above all odds to let me go for e camp. (i'll explain it some other day.. very very long story) tmr morn gonna pack and i'll be off to help out before the gathering time at 1pm.. it's really good to be out of ns and doing something more meaningful and fun for a change.. will really make sure i'll enjoy and make full use of e time.. nitez for now!

sorry ppl, have to endure this old and not updated blog for a week more.. =)

-=P3ng=- | 12:20 am

Saturday, November 19
Buggy Blog Yet Again

Gee, i really dunno what's wrong with this blog.. Getting annoying.. Anyway no time this weekend.. Lost Camp coming up and all.. Busyness gonna pick up as the next course is about to begin on 5th Dec.. Not forgetting to mention the Half marathon on 4th Dec... So many things to do... so little time.. AH! And there's harry potter that i wanna watch!

*sorry, i just copy and paste the previous non-buggy template... no time to edit. so many things are outdated ...

-=P3ng=- | 1:47 pm

Sunday, November 13
Global Dimming

Whoa, too much to blog about! ahh! There's the sermon, the devotion I done, then there's also a documentary i just watched on Channel News Asia.. Very Informative and very scary!
Ok, since that's e most fresh, I'll talk about it now..

Perhaps everyone somehow would have heard about global warming ya? Mainly caused by greenhouse gases like carbon dioxide. Then scientists also come up with figures showing that for the past ten years or so the global temperature has increased by 0.5 or smth degree Celsius. After the documentry, I really understand and appreciate how God has been preserving the planet!!

Some facts: Global Dimming (i didn't know about it till i watched e show) is the reduction of sunlight => Less sunlight reaching the planet's surface. It is caused mainly by air particles and pollutants which causes the water vapour in the air to condense abnormally. Instead of gathering together in big clouds, they will cluster into smaller ones forming a mirror which reflects the heat fromt the sun. Even the planes that fly around and leave the stream of cloud (there's a term for it but i dunno) those clouds of stream also block out a huge amount of sunlight. Why the fuss about it? After they compared a polluted place and a non-polluted one, the percentage they block is 10%! when they expected like 1%?

The effects? It causes problems to the changes in monsoon and other climate changes. The droughts in Africa are because the heat couldn't bring the monsoon rain belt up to the northern atmosphere, causing thousands to die of starvation due to poor harvest. This is not smth that doesn't concern us. Asia maybe next! Our countries all depend a lot on the monsoon rains to bring about the harvest. If the patterns change, we are in serious trouble!

And that's only the tip of the iceberge! If gobal dimming had been around ever since, it had actually been protecting us from something far far worse! Global warming! If the degree of gobal dimming is so huge, and if both "forces" are working opposite directions, imagine the real effects of global warming! Our climate was a lot more sensitive to global warming that we thought!

This is the one that really provokes me. They forcast that global temperatures can go up by 2 degrees by 2030 or even 4degrees by 2050. That alone melts Greenland, burns rain forests, and even release frozen methane gases which further causes more greenhouse effect.
For more information just do a bit of research on the internet. All i type here is from what i rem. So maybe not very accurate but confirm much milder that what they showed.

In case for those of you who don't understand the whole post above, just know that for ppl like us in our teens using the comp. we'll live to see more worse disasters that we had ever knew!

-=P3ng=- | 8:32 pm

Saturday, November 12
The Death of Romance

(This is an article from e QT book Our Daily Journey. Just thought it was very meaningful that it's worth sharing to everyone. Though i must say, it doesn't seem to have anything to do with e passage it gave.)

It's part of a wedding addresss to a person's son and his bride

" You have now reached the time when your romance must die. In fact, it is necessary for romance to die in order that love may live and grow. Think of it this way: Your wedding marks the day when you plant the seed of romance. Romance is important , but it is not love itself; it is the seed of love - the seed of married love.

Romance is a collection of pleasant emotions that come naturally with the anticipation of spending life together with the one you love. It is healthy and natural for you to have visions about a house in the suburbs, cuddly babies, and walks int he autumn woods with your perfectly lovable children skipping through the leaves.

Yes, those times do indeed come - but they are mostly unplanned. And the moment will come when the pleasant emotions of romance are scattered by the winds of reality: burdensome car payments, orthodontist bills, sick babies wailing in the night, children fighting on the lawn, and quarrels between the two of you. Then that towering flame of romance will dwindle - and sometimes even appear to be gone. The one you say you love has become unlovely. For a fleeting moment you allow the thought to cross your mind, 'Do i really love him - Do i really love her - anymore? Is our love gone?'

Don't you believe it! It is at that moment when romance finally germinates into genuine love and begins to grow. On those days when it seems that nothing is left of your relationship but commitment, that is when God can teach you the great lesson that few people seem to understand: Love is not an emotion; it is an act of the will. You are not declaring to everyone present today that you are 'in love', but that you are now making a willful commitment 'to love'

Remember, your marriage can never be treatened by the loss of love, only by the loss of your personal commitment to love"

- Dean Ohlman

-=P3ng=- | 10:27 am

Sunday, November 6
Floorball =)

Haha, after service is floorball today! Haha, finally gotta have some sports games after all e mundane jogging and training.. I had a lot of fun today, hope we can do these stuff more often. Haha, e parish hall is now multipurpose! A place for refreshments after service then shift e tables becomes a Floorball arena! Add a net and e 2 poles and we get a badminton court! How cool.. =) yay, my bro is going to LOST camp and he's gonna ask his friends too... Now is see whether i can take leave a not.... =s see what God has in mind bah...

-=P3ng=- | 7:44 pm

Friday, November 4
Standard Chartered Half Marathon

Has been 2 weeks plus since i started training... Now gotta increase my distance, running 3 times every week to condition my body... Next week planning to cover at least half of e actual dist (10km), but since i dun take e map to find a 10km place for me to run, i usually go by e duration i jog.. That'll be 1 hr.. Gee, now i'm wondering if i really should have signed up.. Not because i hated training, (i like jogging) but that all these jogging is making me thin again! i managed to get above 50kg before i started training, now it's below 50 again! (hey i know I'm light so shh! ) Oh well, guess i just gotta eat more to replenish what's lost thru e training...

Jogging is a lot like life's journey.. So much to learn from jogging than just moving one leg in front of the other for hours.. haha! And i get to see lots of scenery too =)

-=P3ng=- | 8:52 pm

Thursday, November 3
A chain of misses...

everything was planned well, packed back to back.. dance practice in e morn, kayaking in e afternoon, badminton at night, next day floorball.. surprising i did none of them at all.. my fren changed e kayak time to morn cos he need to go off at 2 plus, then he couldn't find the shop that rents e kayak, so we end up cycling.. today's public hol so e CC downstairs wasn't open for us to play badminton.. most of my church frenz playing floorball tmr are not free so change to sunday afternoon..

How things can change within an instant... shows how much we really are in control at times.. I thought it's planned.. but things doesn't always go the way we want but what God wants.. He teaches even thru disappointments, He reminds even though we forget easily.. I set out to study the book of colossians during this 1 week (minus 1 day) break, but tmr's fri and i haven't started! procrastination is so deadly!

now tmr is freed up, oh God, let me make full use of e time that you have given to me. Teach me to use it well..

-=P3ng=- | 10:34 pm

Tuesday, November 1
Night Jogging In Camp

(25 oct 05)
Perhaps the jogging habit that started in OAC will remain in me till e day i can't run =p haha, i realise I cannot stop running for a long period of time. I didn't for the past 2 weeks and my legs are really longing for a stretch. Maybe partly also pressured by the standard chartered half marathon on 4th dec.. Gotta put a countdown timer so that i will force myself to train.. Geez, i'm running 7km only when the dist is 21km.. training gotta pick up! I had no intention run tonight. I was about to watch the ch 8 9pm show in my bunk. But somehow my legs made the decision and soon i found myself jogging along the roads in the camp.

It was a very pleasant jog. The night was cool and quiet and the atmosphere was just right for reflection. I spent the time talking to God while jogging. 10mins into e jog, I suddenly remembered my days in St John. As i try to "remember more", I realised that that part of my life has been packed in boxes and shoved into a corner and had collected much dust. The more i remembered, the more i missed those days. The days of training footdrills, 1st aid, stretcher drills, competitions, camp, games. I miss my days in St John badly, esp after missing so many squad meetings and gatherings...now the farewell this year clashes with the LOST camp.. haiz...

As i pass by the vehicle shed, I suddnly realised how weird the situation was. I'm jogging around, passing rows of tanks and armoured vehicles which some might not even get to see it like that, except during parades.. that moment made me realise how sovereign God is and how incomprehensive His thoughts are. a year ago i would have never thought i'll be where I am now. makes me realise how unpredictable live is yet knowing it's in God's plan, the feeling it gives is exciting yet comforting..

Running at night sure gives me the creeps at times.. Especially running by myself. I seldom do that, simply because i find it weird warming up ur whole body just a couple of hours before sleep.. Oh well, it was an experience =)

-=P3ng=- | 10:37 am

Being Mature VS Being Naive

Is it a trade-off? Must I give up one for the other? I wish I need not! But such is the "harsh reality" for growing up. Perhaps I'm one of the few who wished to be in Neverland, never having to grow up, never worrying that you are behaving too young for your age, and never worrying about the evils of the world.

Sadly, such an ideal world only exist in our imagination. Pressured by the constant external changes, maturity is not an option but a requirement to remain relevant and acceptable among others.

Enlisting into NS forced the naive and playful heart to take a backseat. First was Independence. Friends aren't kins, they can't always be there for you and doesn't always have your best interest at heartand sometimes ppl just don't understand each other. Next was responsibility and along with it comes much unwelcomed stress. Different people will get different appointments like armskote I/C or sometime even Platoon or Company I/C. You become being the representative and have to balance getting the job done and not get hated by your peers, having also to fight for their interest. And of cos, there's hardship. After being enlisted into NS, i learnt that one can never predict and prepared of what's to come. I went in with a proud and confident mindset, thinking that it will be incomparable to what I had already experienced in OAC. God broke me down (in bmt was a high fever that i felt horrible to the point of much tears and i couldn't go home because it took mroe than 2 hours to get my status slip. In sispect was the horrible heat rash and the decision to carry on with the 32km aroused much opposition as if the whole world turned against me) In all the tough times, I "matured as a child" in the Lord because I grew closer to the Lord but still like a child i'm as vunerable, clinging on to God.

Why the rush to grow up? Don't they see that life is already short, that our childhood is already behind us and very soon our teen years will be too. Or is it me? Not willing to face the fact? Indeed the maturity brings wisdom and makes me more responsible of my life, and with it ppl trust you more and more choices becomes available. Haiz..I must be thinking too much again..

-=P3ng=- | 10:05 am