The Reason I Live is Christ

Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you. (1 Tim 4:16)

Sunday, July 31
Peace

In comparison with this big world,

the human heart is only a small thing.

Though this world is so large,

it is utterly unable to satisfy this tiny heart.

The ever growing soul and its capacity

can be satified only in the infinite God.

As water is restless until it reaches its level,

the soul has no peace until it rests in God.

-=P3ng=- | 8:00 am

Saturday, July 30

Me!

-=P3ng=- | 12:03 pm

Friday, July 15
Longing to be at 2 places at one time

Sunday 10th July 2005

The weekend had been amazing compared to e previous one that are filled with disappointments. I felt great joy as the peace from the Holy Spirit filled my heart. Celebrated both my father's and Benjamin's bday on sat and sun respectively. It felt great spending time with my family (which rarely there's time to do so) and having fun with my church friends. Sadly, e fun came to an abrupt end when i had to go home, pack my bag and go to my aunt's house for dinner. I had never got a chance to play pool with my church friends and I guess the first time is still yet to come. I couldn't even stay for the photo-taking session =(

I wouldn't be sad if that's was all... As i was rushing home taking bus 358 from the interchange, it passed by Hai Sing Catholic and at that point i caught a glimpse of a team of St John cadets walking across the 2nd floor. On that same sunday was the Annual St John's National 1st Aid competition.. And it was held so close to my house but sadly the timing was from 10am-6pm.. Just out of my timetable... At times like this, I really wished I can be at 2 places at one time. It had been very long since the last time I went back to St John and meeting my old squad-mates. It's horrible when the situation never seem to be in line with your desires. As the sight of Hai Sing Catholic disappeared behind the HDB flats, an aching grows in my heart, partly wanting to relive that part of my life spent in SJ which now seems lost with time.

As I turn to God telling Him my grief, I'm just thankful that God places me at where He wants me to be according to His purpose. Sometimes I just have to accept that I can't have everything...

-=P3ng=- | 10:28 pm

Discipline - Godly character or being too enthu?

Perhaps if I didn't receive that platoon best award i wouldn't be worrying as much and thinking twice of what I'm doing. Somehow it adds pressure and struggles in wondering if I should just do my bare minimum of what's expected of me, or uphold Godly character like discipline, integrity, honesty and helping others.

On one side, I'm pressured by my peers not to be 'too enthu' or I may be seen as striving for 'being the best'. I hate it if ppl have that impression because 1) I'll draw even more unwanted attention and ppl will be waiting till I make a mistake for them to make remarks. 2) it's a thin line and i may end up a hypocrite and performing for others to see. That will be horrible! 3) I'm being obedient and give my best in all situations because I want to be spiritually disciplined for God's glory not Man's praise or awards like best trainee. Hence the dilemma...

Ultimately, it'll voice down to what I truly want. Acceptance by God or by Man. If my intentions are good, pure, I shouldn't worry what others think because I'm not here to please Man. Thank God that as I write , He answers my dilemma by providing the answer. May my every word and action brings glory to the one I truly love.

-=P3ng=- | 10:14 pm

Disappointment...

(3rd July- 2 weeks old post)

Disappointment arises from expectation. Coupled with prolonged longing and hoping, when it shatters, disappointment becomes painful. Not once but thrice within a weekend have I experienced such disappointment. First was hoping to meet an old friend. After finding a common time after much trouble and delay, we had to cancel it again because of reasons I never expect. Then came the youth alpha. After trying so hard to get my friends to come none of the 3 came... The last one hit me the hardest. For me, the highlight of the RTTP (report to the parents) was the chance to share the gospel to my parents. However, least did I expect, the book in timing shifted early by 1 whole hour, leaving me no choice but to leave RTTP halfway. I couldn't even stay till the skit finish let alone the gospel sharing. Just now when I was there at the parade square wasting much time for the beret presentation rehearsal, I felt an aching in my heart. Disappointment accompanied me when I book out upon being told the book-in timing and disappointment followed me back as I book in. I was very tempted to complain to God why. A growing anger builds. But God's teachings reminded me and I placed my trust back in God that all has happened according to what He has allowed for His perfect plan to be fulfilled. That God is intending for something even greater to happen but only in His time.
Learn to trust I shall. Much to learn I still have...

-=P3ng=- | 9:52 pm

Friday, July 1
Sitting in the seat of mockers

(written on 24/06/05)

Who am I to judge others? Who am I to declare myself beter than others? Who am I to say that they are worse than me? Who am I to brag about the works that I've done and take pride in them when God is the one behind all?

Have you ever felt so annoyed irritated or disappointed with a person, wondering why he doesn't meet your standards? ie having some self-discipline, being more well-mannered, sparing a thought for others, being more responsible, being more serious with work, etc... I know I have, and i've lost track of how many times I've felt that way..

There was once during a sermon when the pastor explained Psalm 1. He mentioned how we as Asians don't like to brag or 'talk big' abt ourselves but that doesn't really make us humble ppl. Cos he pointed out how we are very good at 'putting down others' and hence there isn't much difference. eg 'wah this child has no manners, wonder how his parents teach one' or ' he comes from this place one, very lousy one...' (sounds familiar?)

Thank God He continues to remind me what true humility is, what is means to deny all the rights i have, to be totally submissive to the Lord. Just got to be watchful and change my proud mindset to that of a humble servant for the Lord.

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers" (Psalm 1:1)

-=P3ng=- | 10:13 pm