The Reason I Live is Christ

Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you. (1 Tim 4:16)

Sunday, March 27
A Short Break... A Quiet Time with God

God knew what I longed for...peace and clarity. God knew what I wanted... to free myself from my life to pause to spend time thinking... God in His own mysterious ways granted me what I wanted... For a person to go out cycling after dinner at 7pm all of a sudden isn't smth very common... But thank God my parents did not object me or anything.. Just asked me not be back too late..

Reaching the beach, I thank God for His peace in my heart as I prayed about my current troubles... There on the beach before the silent sea, I spoke to God openly... I told Him my uncertainity of which course I should choose... If going to a science course and proceeding on to Answers in Genesis related Ministry is smth that I should try.. Because there isn't a branch here in singapore. neither is this ministry popular or anything... Among so much uncertainty, I know what is certain, that I would like a job or profession that can serve God directly... and my interest in generally in Science... Another problem i brought to God was tha attitude I should adopt in the army now... how i should view it... Then there's my financial management and longing for a partner...

It's great to pour out my heart to God knowing that He is listening and He answers. Too bad there isn't time to blog what I've experienced within that short 20 plus mins quiet time with God.. perhaps another time bah... =)

-=P3ng=- | 10:13 pm

Slow Down My Child...

Now can?

No, not now.. I still got my things to pack.. Tmr I'm bookin in already.. Still got much left undone..
No, I need my rest.. If not tmr I'll be sleepy during training..
No, not now.. I want to go out with my friends.. Book out time is hard to come by..

Dear Child, if not now... when?

...

My dear child, why do you keep your mind focused on these things? Haven't you learnt that the things you have to do will never run out? You've learnt before... You wrote reflections to remind yourself that you must learn to stop at times to catch your breath.. You like to stop at times to observe my creations and to remember my peace.. Have you forgotten all these?

i know... i really want to stop but the situation doesn't allow me.. I still got so much to do.. My time is short..

Yes. Your time is short.. Isn't your life merely a passing moment? Do you remember the times that you would put everything down and go to the beach for the breeze? Are you going to rush through your life, not putting time to set your direction and goal properly...?

I'm so sorry... Yes, I had forgotten.. I let excuses procrastinate what I really wanted to do.. I'm going to seize the moment now...

here ends the post..
*left for the beach...

-=P3ng=- | 6:43 pm

Thursday, March 24
Serving God (A post that shld be written long ago)

As i was saying, during my block leave on the 12th of March was my church's CGEO (cell group evangelistic outreach). Basically it was an event the youth ministry organised to invite our friends to join and have fun and at the same time share to them about God. This time it was a fun 5-sports activity plus a barbecue...

On the same day was the NUS open house. But when I know about the event, I wanted to go for the CGEO and helped out by being a group leader. I know serving God this way is smth I would rather do. But somehow on that day, I did not have the fire to go all out and give my best to God. I was to help out with the decorations and was told to help pick up dry leaves.. As I do so, I know that I'm doing a lousy job, a humble and simple job, I didn't mind but my mind was thinking about what I might be doing if I choose for the open house.. It's the fact that I'm not giving my all, my hundred and one percent that makes me feel ashamed... Furthermore, God did remind me a few times to go thru the gospel in my head so I will know how to share to my group.. But i didn't take time to do so.. And when the tme came, I did not bring the gospel properly, adding in unecessary details and being unorganised...

What Romans said during the evaluation is true.. at the end of the day, when you ask God "are you pleased with what I've done?" deep inside you'll know where you stand.. and it's sad when the reply is "even though you done a lousy job I still love you" It's like God entrusted me to do a job and when it's not properly done when I could have done better, I'll ask myself why have i done so? Am I taking advantage of and ignoring God's grace and forgiveness? That day I learnt a lot on how attitude is important.. and it becomes an even bigger issue now I'm in SISpec... will touch on this on my next post.. that's is for now.. rest is much needed =s

-=P3ng=- | 11:07 pm

Sunday, March 20
My Posting!

SAF BMTC ePosting Order
NRIC:S8624776C
Name:ANG PENG SIANG
SAF BMTC congratulates you for your successful completion of the BMT.

Your Posting Order is listed below:

1.You are posted to SISPEC.

2.Your vocation is INFANTRY LEADER.

3.Your are to report to: Pasir Ris Bus Interchange.

Reporting Date/Time: 21/03/2005 at 0830 hrs.

You are required to report in smart no.4 uniform (PES E recruits to be in No 3 uniform), except for those assigned to Police Force.

4.Special Instruction: Bring complete SAF issued items. Take SMRT Bus at Pasir Ris at 0830, Fast Craft at SFT at 0845.

And so my next phase of army life has been revealed... and almost sealed... I'm on my road to become a specialist (aka Sergeant)! First of all, thank God i got into command school. Though, it's quite easy to get into SISpec, I must remember that it's only possible because God allowed it be so. Currently, I thank God for putting me in SISpec because it's at Tekong! so that means I'll have to report at Pasir Ris interchange which I can easily reach within 15mins from my house =) Yay!

I must admit that when I received my posting, i was a bit disappointed that I did not get into OCS (Officer Cadet School). But i was immediately reminded that I need not be dismayed because it was God who placed me there. He has His reasons to place me there -- whether it is for me to learn smth or to meet someone or to fulfill His purpose, I'm blessed knowing that I have a God that loves me and knows what's best for me.. Praise God!

Despite constant reminders, sometimes I'm still haunted by the devil's 'proddings' to make me disappointed, make me think that I did not get it because i was not good enough, that but not getting the officer cadet trainee's pay I'll be greatly affected or smth...

Just pray that God will help me to put my focus on Him and not on money or personal glory... =)

-=P3ng=- | 9:51 pm

Friday, March 18
Young People Just Don't Care

They just don't care loh... I mean don't you agree? We keep our discussion to singapore youths as it's easier for us since we know them and are them ourselves... They only care about the things they like, the things they wanna do, for other things... who cares? Do you agree the majority behaves this way?

There was this youth survey on Roman's table with this statement and ask if the person agrees or not... Then Romans was telling me the above about what he feels about youths...

For me, I have to admit I'm one of those who don't care in a way.. I didn't bother about what I want to do for my future, only had rough ideas but never made the effort to look through the university courses and stuff... Now as the closing date for applications draws near, I begin to panic.. Thank God that I'm still in NS and there's one more year to apply should I applied for the wrong course and things like that... As for scholarships... I didn't even bother with the talks my sch gave, tips and what to look out for, and starting early... I guess I'm quite wronged to not have heeded...

Are you one of them too? Think big... don't just care about your looks, your next meal or your next assignment... What about your life? Your career? Your purpose in life?
Please care if you don't... for your own sake.. =)

-=P3ng=- | 8:20 pm

When blogging is being procrastinated...

If you had been visiting my blog often and wondering why there aren't any new posts and stuff, well I must apologise that I procrastinated... a LOT...

It's coming to the end of my block leave and I regret not blogging much... Not that I had nothing to write.. I still have 2 events i wanna blog about, one is the Lions' trail (a complusory NE event we're suppose to attend) and that was on the 9th march! the other was my church's CGEO (cell group evanglistic outing) which was on the 12th! Both events I had much thoughts I wish to write down but somehow other things found its importance over blogging... As much as I'm busy with my applications for university courses or just reformatting my comp, I had ample time to do a lot of stuff... Poor planning? More of just too slack... haiz...

Ok, I'll try my best to finish posting all the things I want after I come back from KL on sunday... Look out for them! hehe.. meanwhile, enjoy what's left of this march holiday! =)

-=P3ng=- | 8:00 pm

Wednesday, March 16
Reflection Letter - March

9 Weeks in BMT

A school term has passed and the March holidays are here. Even though it is merely 9 weeks, it felt as if I've just come back from a very long journey. Little did I expect so much to happen within the 9 weeks and how it helped me to understand more about my relationship with God.

When I look back at myself at the start and at the end of BMT, I see 2 very different attitudes. Initially, I was excited and prepared, ready to go in, get settled down quickly so that I can help and minister to others. I wanted to go in and testify God's love especially to my buddy whom we've been friends since pri sch. At the start, I struggled a lot, trying to keep myself focused on God, trying to not get influenced. I remembered how I tried to seize those delay and waiting times to talk to my platoon mates and to know them better, and how I prayed for my Christian platoon mates. I even thank God when He made me the platoon i/c during the 4th to 6th day so that it becomes easier for me to mix around now that my whole platoon knows me.

However, when I look at myself towards to end of BMT, I see a tired and can't be bothered attitude. Serving God and even praying becomes a task, something on the to-do list that is to be done and set aside. I see myself fitting in with the crowd, losing the initial drive but somehow I couldn't be bothered to find it again. I can easily blame it on the circumstances, that I couldn't go church for 5 weeks, I did not have time for quiet time, and the tight schedule is tiring me out... But I know I can't tell this to God and expect that He must understand this. Of course He understands, He is the one who puts me through all these in the first place, but that's not what He expects me to do. What Romans explained during the CGEO evaluation I now fully understand, it cannot be outside in but should be inside out. I can't allow the circumstances affect how I walk with God. Of course saying it is one thing, doing so is another. That's why I need God to help me along.

Throughout the weeks in BMT, there were many struggles for me. There were many times I constantly talk to God during the activities. I thank God that He has humbled me, making me realize that I wasn't all that strong and fit, that I needed Him. He broke me of all pride and even brought me to my knees when I was hit by the terrible fever. It's until that point that all else fades and my attention was only on God. That's when I remember what was important and of value to me.

All in all, I'm not sure if it had been an enjoyable experience, but it certainly had been a memorable one... Moving on to my next stage in NS, my only prayer request is that my walk with God will not be affected come whatever circumstances.

-=P3ng=- | 8:38 pm

Friday, March 11
The End Of The Beginning

After what seemed like a life-long journey, the day of POP came... and went just like that. Here I am, back in front of my comp finally able to blog in peace once again without having to worry about my next book in timing.

The end of the beginning... Yes, as much as I hate to face it, my life in the army is only just about to truly begin. The 9 weeks were suppose to be the basics, the primary school of the army life. I dare not imagine how worse it'll get esp in the command schools or in the Guards unit...

Whatever it is, better not to waste precious time worrying. Now it's time to enjoy the hard-earned block leave! My posting result will come on the 18th. So till then, it's time to relax and ENJOY! WHOO~

*i'll post my reflection on my 9 weeks BMT soon...

-=P3ng=- | 11:34 pm

Thursday, March 10
Reflection Letter - February

-=God is with me, Always=-

Perhaps the recent events affected me more than I thought. I saw myself losing faith in God. Things hadn't been going well for me and it's made worse when all of them came one after another...

First came the fever that brought me down to my knees. The process of reporting sick in the army is very tedious and time-consuming. The whole process of writing ur name in the reporting sick book, finding the COS to get his signature, wait to see the doctor, wait to get your status slip (it took an hour for me because the doc went out for dinner! Without the slip i can't go home), going back to bunk, pack my stuff, march to jetty, wait for ferry, reach SFT, wait for taxi, then reach home.... Throughout the whole process, I've to struggle with the fever, keep my mind clear and endure through. It was a nightmare and I cried out to God endlessly for help & healing but that didn't really came but I ignored it thinking that God has His reasons.

I thought it would be over once i reach home but it did not end there. For the next 2 days, not only did it not go away, 2 times it burned to ard 39.5 , once during saturday afternoon which costed me cell group, the other at 1am on sunday which costed me the Sunday Combined Contempory Service. Throughout the bookout, i was stranded at home trying to recover and the feeling is awful becos a book out is hard to come by and I can't go church. I can't do much but feed myself with medications and covering myself in a blanket when i get chills. Throughout this time, I continued to pray a lot, asking God to have mercy and heal me so that I can go church etc... Nothing changed except that I got more worn out then b4 i book out... Part of me continues to convince myself that God has His reasons but the other part is getting irritated and fed up and can't be bothered...

Going back to army, things didn't really get much better. Yes, I do thank God I'm recovering slowly, but it wasn;t in time for the 16km road march on thursday. I struggled terribly and was very disturbed and disappointed that I can't complete it. Annoyed and irritated, I questioned God why things have to be like this but the answer was to simple trust. My focus turned towards myself, blaming myself for not pushing myself harder, that I had been through harder trainings than this and this shouldn't be a problem, that others can do it so why can't I... And so I was lost...(These were thoughts thru my mind, I kept quiet about it)

Then God spoke to me through my christian bunk mate Shaun. He showed me a verse in Isaiah ........... God reminded me that He has been with me through all that I've gone through. That was a wake up call for me becos at that pt in time, I was really depressed and it must have been obvious on my face until my friend got worried...

I realised trusting God is not simply reading, singing or talking about it. when trials come, well... I just have to learn to trust Him more each time as I get to know Him better through each situation...

-=P3ng=- | 8:33 pm

Friday, March 4
It has been a while...

Indeed it's been a while since I last post.. Too bad there isn't a comp allocated to recruits to use back in BMT so oh well...Last book out I didn't post simply becos i was pulled down by my horrible fever that i spent my whole 2 days book out time at home recovering... With confinements here and there... Well days just pass and i'm now only 5 days away from POP! I'll post my reflection for Feb after i get it done.. for now.. It's time to get my results!

-=P3ng=- | 12:24 pm